Going to Church, for me, is rarely easy. I don't usually like waking up early on the weekends to get ready and go, or taking a chunk of time out of my evening once may day is already rolling. I get selfish with my time. But I know I need to go. Not just because both Jesus and my mom say so, but because I know my soul needs that hour each week to rest in Jesus and worship Him with my community. I'm reminded of this every time I go to Church.
Whenever I fall into temptation, tell myself I'm far too busy to go to Church, too proud to admit that I do need that time with Jesus to start my week, and don't go to Church, I always feel the nag of guilt throughout the day, knowing I should have gone.
I could have gone. I needed to go. This can easily lead to a vicious cycle that I've fallen into far too many times: I miss Church, feel guilty about it, feel unworthy, and use that as an excuse to miss the following week. The weeks go by and I end up telling myself that I need to go to Confession before I can return to Church.
And you can imagine if I have trouble making the time to go to Church, going to Confession is 100 times harder. Like I said, this cycle is vicious. I know I need to be less selfish with my time and prioritize better. But it can be hard.
Being in this cycle leaves me in a rut feeling unworthy and spiritually parched.
But when I do pick myself up, wake up early, get ready, and go to Church, whether it be after I break this cycle, or if I've been going steadily, I am never, and I mean never disappointed. Jesus always pulls through and speaks right to me. Every. Single. Time.
And I sit there amazed at how badly I needed to hear His Word and feel His presence and worship Him along with everyone else there. I leave feeling refreshed, uplifted, and nourished, no matter how badly I wanted to stay in bed earlier, no matter how tired my body may be, no matter what else I could have spent that last hour doing.
I never leave wishing I hadn't gone.
This is one of the many reasons I know Jesus is real and working in my life. No matter how far I stray, no matter how stubborn or selfish I get, He is always there and so ready to work in, on, and through me, and anyone else who seeks him.
Seeking Jesus can be hard. It's hard to break our selfishness and pride and admit that we need Him, and then make time out of our ever-busy schedules to receive Him. But we so desperately need it and it's so obvious to me every time I go to Church.
Seeking Jesus is not always easy. But it is always worth it.
