To the girl who never was apart of something,
For the longest time I regretted not playing sports when I was in middle school or high school. I played soccer when I was super young, but when I turned 6 I broke my leg and quit. Not that I remember why, but sometimes I wish I didn't quit.
I wish I realized the impact of the long run but of course I didn't, I was 6. You see kids whose parents put them in dance, cheer-leading, or anything when they are so young and they grow up loving it. Or sometimes, they grow up to hate it. The ones that grow up to hate it but just do it because "they've been doing it their whole life", or because "it was my parents dream for me to do this". My parents weren't pushers. They didn't push me to do things I didn't want to do in these sorts of cases.
At times I wish that they did push me to do something like this. I did gymnastics for a little while, I believe around 9 years old. I can't remember why I ended up quitting that too. Clearly I was a quitter. I was not athletic growing up, and when they made you run the mile in gym class I could never do it. I dreaded going to school those days.
I always thought what if I did join a sport, or even a club in high school. Would I have more friends? Would I have different friends? Would my past and my future be different then what it was and what it will be? Would I be who I am today? I asked myself these questions for years. My whole life I never felt like I was apart of something. Wishing maybe if I did something, maybe I wouldn't have felt that way.
After high school I waited a while to go to college. I worked a lot and personally I didn't think college was for me. I made up dumb excuses like I got into a car accident or whatever the case was but in all reality, they were just excuses. 2 years after graduating high school I decided to go to cosmetology school. I figured it was something I always loved, to get my hair and make-up done and be in that atmosphere. Half way through the 9 month program I realized it wasn't for me. I much rather get my hair and make-up done, and doing it on other people wasn't what I thought it would be. I told my parents I wanted to quit and I promised I would go to college, SCCC. And so I did.
It was only recently that I figured out that I don't need to be apart of something. My life was my life and I was lead this path for a reason. I strongly believe in the saying "everything happens for a reason" and eventually you will find out the reason whether or not you find out when it happens or years from then. Just because I wasn't part of a group or a sport doesn't mean I didn't have the greatest friends in the world. It doesn't mean that I don't have the most loving, supporting family anybody could ever have. Because I do. And I always did. I felt selfish never realizing that I am part of a big family with 17 grandchildren who all love me no matter what I did, no matter if i was apart of a group or a sport.
To the girls who felt like you were never apart of anything, it's okay. Do not feel judged. In your heart, you are you and nobody will ever change that. You are a part of your family, you are a part of your friend group. And they love you for who you are on the inside. You don't need to be apart of a group or a sport to feel like you are somebody. Don't beat yourself up about it for years like I did. It isn't worth it.
Love,
The girl who never felt like she was a part of something.
