I've always considered myself to be a giving person. Whenever there's someone in need, I find myself lending out a hand. It never occurred to me how it would start to negatively impact my life, until recently. Being that person for everyone in your life becomes mentally draining. The idea that I can't say "no" to people has been a personal struggle of mine for as long as I can remember, and I'm sure a lot of others can relate.
From my experience, being a "people pleaser" has placed me in very difficult situations. I'm a naturally empathetic person, and I hate letting anyone down in my life. There have been countless instances where I've agreed to things I didn't want to do but risked my own personal comfort, with a friend's best interest in mind.
The life of a "people pleaser" can be complex and misunderstood. I would like to highlight some important characteristics of this personality, so other's can understand our ways of thinking and learn to respect our boundaries.
There are days where we too have a lot on our plate and cannot be that person for you to come to. Saying "no" to someone is not easy for a "people pleaser." We tend to feel guilty if we do gain the courage to do so, and it ends up eating us alive.
The fact that a "people pleaser" is so readily available to give, does not mean you should take advantage of their kindness.
A "people pleaser," may be perceived as selfless. They tend to neglect their own needs for exchange of your satisfaction. Giving for us can be highly rewarding, but becomes draining after a while. The act of giving is meant to be selfless, but should never be expected from one another. It is important to understand that you are never entitled to another person's time or energy.
As much as we love giving, we wish people would realize that we're not superhuman. We're simply people who feel for others very deeply. Our energies need time to replenish. There is only so much that you can expect from a person.
My advice to fellow "people pleasers," is to try and find a balance of giving to yourself and giving to others. As giving is in our nature, we tend to put other's happiness before our own. While this quality of ours can be rewarding, it should never completely take over your life. That mentality is detrimental to one's mental health.
We aim to please but put high expectations on ourselves to perform which damages our self-worth. Our intentions are pure and often taken for granted. Self-worth should never be dictated by how other people view you. Being well-liked by everyone is nowhere near as fulfilling as having the right people surrounded by you.
No matter how kind and giving you are to people, not everyone is going to like you. It also doesn't hurt to say "no" every once in a while.
