My mother once told me at the ripe age of about 10, “You should never go to bed without saying “I love you” to me, because what if you wake up the next morning and I am gone?” I don’t know if she knows this, but 10-year-old me is now 19-year-old me, and 19-year old me still thinks about this every single night before bed. It has completely flipped my world upside down, and my relationships with family, friends, and peers have changed for the better.
Now, think about this in a way that. What if you just finished having coffee with a friend and you said, “I just can’t stand my mom right now. She’s always breathing down my neck about the most trivial things.” And when you get home from your coffee date, she’s not there. You get a call that she was in a serious car accident and passed away only minutes ago. The guilt you would feel would be absolutely unbearable. The guilt IS absolutely unbearable. I can promise you that you will regret saying that for the rest of your life.
Your father’s breath may wreak of alcohol when he kisses you goodnight. He could abuse pills and smoke cigarettes in the car with the windows rolled up. He may call you names, and maybe he doesn’t make it to every one of your sporting events or ever get you to school on time, but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He may just not know how to be a decent father. However, whatever your situation is, don’t you ever dare say that you hate him, or that you’d be better off without him.
I know that all of this sounds awful, and it would be easy to hate a person that did these things—even if it was your parent. But, family is family, and it breaks my heart to hear anyone say, “I hate my mom” or “I hate my dad.” I can promise you that nothing in your relationship with either of your parents is broken enough to where it can’t be fixed. I can also promise you that the pain you will feel from them leaving on bad terms is more excruciating than all the pain they have caused you while still on this earth.
The questions of guilt will consume you: What if you could’ve tried a little harder to make the relationship work? What if you wouldn’t have said this or that? Would you feel any better if the last thing you said was “I love you"?
Think about this: the next time you fight with your parents, are you okay with whatever you said being the last thing you will ever say to them?
Please, please. Whoever is reading this— if I die today as the most average person, the most average writer, the most insignificant person in your life, I want to be known for this last article having an impact on just one person. You don’t have to know my name to agree or disagree with me. But, please internalize this message, because it is by far the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn in life. And I guarantee it will be your hardest lesson too.
So, call your mom, call your dad, and thank them. Apologize. Set things straight. Whatever you have to do. Just be grateful you still have them.
