I remember the first time I ever noticed coffee was a big deal. On summer trips with my camp, fellow campers would run to nearest coffee shop ordering whatever chocolate-y, whipped, macchiato they could get. I remember thinking, “What’s so special about coffee? It smells gross!” Yeah, yeah, I know, but I was 11 turning 12, give me a break! I can’t recall a time when I didn’t pass Starbucks and see a line full middle school kids ordering coffee drinks I didn’t even know existed. I would say to myself, “What a waste of money,” as I walked to the nearest Claire’s for a pair of clip-on earrings. “I’ll try it when I get older.” Well, fast forward nine years later and still no coffee in my system.
On average, most people consume more than two cups of coffee a day, own some type of coffee-related gift card, and someone can tell a lot about your personality based on your drink order. So you can imagine the reactions I get when I tell people I don’t drink coffee.
It starts off like this: “Oh, I don’t drink coffee.” (Person’s eyes pop out of their head, you grow three heads, hell freezes over, and earth stops moving.) OK, maybe that’s not exactly what happens, but people are still surprised when I tell them I never had coffee.
“You mean you just don’t drink coffee?”
No, I mean I’ve never had coffee.
“How have you never tried coffee?”
I just never wanted to. It didn’t appeal to me when I was younger, and it doesn’t appeal to me now, even when I’m in college. Plus it’s kind of interesting to see how long I can go without ever trying coffee.
“So do you drink tea then?”
I actually don’t drink tea, either. For some reason, people need to substitute one hot beverage for another. I just prefer cool drinks over warm ones.
“How do you live?”
I just wake up, get dressed, and go on with my day like you do. Coffee isn’t the only thing you need to get through the day. I always have my favorite snacks (ily, Goobers) to boost my energy and brighten my day.
“So you’ve never had caffeine?”
Of course I’ve had caffeine. I eat enough chocolate like it’s nobody's business, (mostly because I have a sugar problem—but that’s besides the point). I just don’t depend on it to make me energized.
“I don’t know how you’ve managed this long. I started drinking coffee when I was *insert single digit here*.”
True. A lot of people start young. I was even a little tempted when I was younger just because so many people my age were drinking it that I didn’t want to be the odd one out. But I’m glad I didn’t give in to temptation.
“We’re going to take away your coffee virginity!”
Yeah…nope! As much as I appreciate you wanting to be there the first time I have coffee, I’d rather do it because I genuinely want to try it and not because it’s interesting for you, thank you very much.
So maybe me never having coffee is equivalent to me being from another planet, but I’m just like any other person. I go to school, I laze around in sweats on the weekends, I laugh at my own jokes, and I cry watching Disney movies. Not drinking coffee is as normal for me as it is for you to have it on a regular basis. So you can have your long-named Starbucks drinks with the misspelling of your name, and I’ll just be here drinking my water in peace.
