It’s a warm summer evening. Lightning bugs are flitting about my backyard as I sit with a cold glass of iced tea, watching the sun settle into the suburban New Jersey skyline. My grandfather is in the seat across from me, telling me about how he and my grandmother met. According to him, it was love at first sight. He saw her one day and thought “That’s it. That’s the woman I’m going to marry.” All I could think was “How nice,” and, “I’m glad Netflix and chill didn’t exist back then."

I blame college dating culture for bringing these thoughts to mind as I sat and listened to the lovely tale that is how my grandparents met. However, it did get me thinking: why do we have such a phenomenon in our culture that includes phrases like “Netflix and chill"? Also, why do we ask “Do you want to hang out” instead of “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Dating in college seems to be getting vaguer and vaguer by the minute.

This is so much so that students have come up with these phrases and questions to substitute others that would directly imply that you like a person; that you want to try something more than just casual conversation and friendship. Or, in the case of Netflix and chill, that you both want to go straight to the horizontal hula (I’m trying to be subtle here).

Being straightforward seems to be a thing of the past, and these vague questions often leave those on the receiving end uncertain and confused. When thinking about this, I came to the conclusion that there has to be a reason for this. That reason?

Rejection.

It’s much easier to respond to someone rejecting you when you ask, “Do you want to hang out?” than if you ask, “Would you like to go out with me?” For the first question, you could just reply something along the lines of, “That’s alright. Maybe another time.” However, with the latter question, you’re more likely to just cower away or ramble an apology in embarrassment. Which question do you think young people are more likely to ask when they’re interested in someone? The first question, of course. It’s important to still appear cool and confident even when your romantic dreams have just been crushed.

College is a lot about that, actually. You’re lucky if you have only one emotional breakdown in those four years. In fact, when you’re not having an emotional breakdown you’re probably just trying to keep another one at bay. Everything you do suddenly becomes cautious in fear of breaking the fragile bubble that college students must constantly maintain. A bad dating experience can be a huge catalyst in the breaking of that bubble.

Thus, when it comes to approaching someone on the matter, people tend to be vague in their questions just in case the other person does not reciprocate. It seems to save them from the possibility of an embarrassing encounter.

So what do we do about this?

Do we keep being vague and confusing, or do we jump right in and express our undying love for each other?

My advice to college students is this: just be honest. Don’t confuse the other person and make them wonder if you like them simply because you want to “hang out” or “want to do something sometime.” Something along the lines of, “I really like talking to you, maybe we could go out some time if you’re interested in that,” would suffice. If they say yes, great! Have fun, you crazy kids. On the other hand, if they say no, you can simply say that you respect their decision. No awkward mumbles or ramblings, just a mature conversation. It’s that simple.

Let’s review now.

Dating in college is hard. Fragile emotions are put on the line, but that doesn’t mean you have to be overly-cautious in pursuing someone you like. You can be mature about it. You can casually express your feelings without having to be ambiguous. If the person doesn’t reciprocate, there’s still a way to be respectful about it and not look like an awkward, down-trodden puppy.

I hope this advice is helpful and that perhaps dating in college will be a little bit less confusing than it used to be. Being a college student comes with its own dating culture, but that doesn’t mean you have to abide by it. Be clear, be casual, be honest, and you’ll be good to go.

I will conclude by saying that perhaps the phrase “Netflix and chill” is casual and clear in its own way, since most college students are aware of its true meaning. Therefore I will allow that to continue on. However, if you ever ask me to watch Netflix and chill, I legitimately expect us to attentively watch the first three seasons of "Supernatural" without any distraction besides food and bathroom breaks. That’s a promise.