Since I can remember, it has always been just me and my mom. When you look at how we interact with each other now, you would see us acting as best friends and seeing how much alike we seem to be. I tend to get that comment a lot from many of my friends. But, if I am honest, it was not always that way and I do believe that it had a lot to do with the decisions both she and I made.
Before going to college, my mom and I saw each other every day because she taught at my school and she is my mom so I lived with her. I am not going to lie, it was a little difficult for me to open up with my life with her because I almost felt as though I had no choice. CHOICES, keep that in your mind as you continue to read. As a child, especially when young, your parents are in charge of your life pretty much. That is pretty normal because when you are young you don't have all the experience you need and your parents are there to help you move about life and teach you the right things to do, but I believe that some parents have difficulty letting go.
Now, I am not a parent, and listening to what my mom has talked to me about whenever we talk about parent hovering, something us kids do not pay attention to is that it is very difficult to let your child go and make their own choices, especially when you know they may be making the wrong choices. Their lives have been centered around you and then overnight, we are off being an adult and leaving home. That is not something that they cannot forget overnight. The process going from, seeing a child every day to seeing them every few months and not having as much access into their lives.
Honestly, for this to be easier for both the student and the parent, I believe that this all takes time.
The process of letting go should start near the end of high school. I believe this is why it worked out so well with my mom and me and why we have the kind of relationship we have today. Yes, she does like to know where I am and who I am with and yes that can seem annoying but as a student, I should understand that it is all for my safety. At least that is why my mom wants to know. I have a friend that as a 20-year-old, she still has the responsibility to tell her parents exactly where she is almost at every moment. I know for her it is very frustrating and it puts a strain on their relationship.
Something I do wish parents knew that when you create more boundaries or keep the same kind of rules from when their child was like six to when they are in their 20s, it may cause resentment. Parents are wondering why the child doesn't share anything with them or doesn't contact them when they are away at school when the answer is right in front of them. The student just wants to feel there is a choice when it comes to sharing their lives with their parents. Because at the end of the day, once they are 18 years old, they are seen as an adult legally. This is even included when it comes to going to college, Universities I've noticed is that they leave it up to the student to give their parents access to their information with the school.
As a parent, wouldn't you want your child to feel comfortable about sharing what is going on in their lives without feeling as though they are going to be judged or be told how you knew they were going to mess up? Instead, it helps us to trust our parents when they vocalize that they will be supportive no matter what and will still love us even when we mess up.
Like I mentioned before, I didn't have the relationship I have with my mom now back when I was in high school and the change came from the choices we made to make sure we had a good relationship that included trust and respect. All of those choices came from us talking out the things that would change and that is really it. Communication is KEY and I know many here that all of the time but it is the truth! So, I would suggest to both parents and students to talk out any issues, worries, or expectations you may have before one goes off to college.
xoxo
Mya
