Our bodies are so personal and sacred. The way we take care of ourselves and appearance should never be anyone else's business, because if I, the sole being in my body, am feeling healthy or attractive, who is to say anything about that to make me change my mind, or change the way I treat my body?
While I was in treatment for an eating disorder, my counselor told me about Masaru Emoto, a Japanese author who claimed that our consciousness can affect the molecular structure of water. Emoto found that negative thoughts, words, or even music caused distorted or "ugly" ice crystals from water when frozen while water that was exposed to positive language or music formed beautifully symmetric crystals. I think about these experiments often, although I realize that they represent a pseudoscientific belief. The metaphor is there though—and to think our bodies are made up of about 60% water showed me how negative or positive words and thoughts can make a lasting impact.
The most hindering part of my own recovery process was the uninvited comments about the way my body was changing, or not changing. The comments that kept me going further into my illness before getting help were the ones that exclaimed how small I looked. My identity growing up and throughout my adolescence was wrapped up in the attitudes people took towards my body. With a neglect for attention at times, any attention I received was a positive reward, and this led me into a place of obsession and the inability to see the physical reality of my body. I was called "Twiggy" and because Twiggy is a famous, successful, beautiful model, I clutched onto these sorts of exclamations for my own validation.
Two years ago, it became easier for me to accept myself for how I look, but what was more important was my comfortability in my own being. I was doing well in school and at work and I was content with my life. What started another spiral into compulsive thoughts and negative self-talk was just a simple comment by a loved one— "you've filled out." It made me realize that even though I wasn't paying attention to the way I looked anymore, everyone else still was. I was still being speculated over, and the fact that someone noticed I gained weight had me in a panic, because I didn't even notice it.
In a world that compels people more than ever to criticize or praise each other over our physical appearances with an instantaneous comment, it can be so daunting to find acceptance within ourselves. It's become harder to see the reality of how we actually look, especially in comparison to Instagram models that Facetune their figures to appease the masses. The demanding changes in what's more popularly accepted has made most people experience how it feels to be deemed unattractive. We used to worry about a pair of jeans that made our butts look "too big" but now we worry that our butts look too small. Curves are in, skinny is out. But also, magazines still use size 0 women for their ads, and the models that we think are curvy just used a photo app to change the way they looked.
It's confusing, obsessive, and sickening the way we strive to constantly change ourselves for what is deemed attractive. And the worst part is not always the way we think of ourselves or our own bodies, but the worry of what other people are thinking or saying.
Before you tell someone "you look too skinny," "you look better now" or "you're looking slim thick," try to pause and think before you make those comments. Were you invited to express your opinion over the way this person looks? Could this actually have a positive impact on their self-esteem? Even if you think you're giving them a compliment, you don't know what people are struggling with, whether it's body dysmorphia, an eating disorder, or self-esteem issues.
