Growing up I never thought being a mom would be this lonely? I never thought my mom was ever lonely and maybe that's because people judge you if you even say you are. As a kid, I always wanted to be a mom. Not just any mom, one like mine. I wanted to have a football team of a family. But now... not so much. Having my 11-month-old, working, going to school, and being pregnant, once again, I don't think I could ever do this or feel this way again. Not only is being a mom lonely but being pregnant is defined as a different kind of loneliness. If you aren't raising a child or ever have before then you won't understand but let me help you try.
Let's start off by saying this: I'm not unhappy being a mom, I'm just lonely. Being pregnant is a different type of lonely than being a mom. When you think of pregnancy, you normally think of happiness. But that's not always the case. Whether you are married, single, engaged, dating, anything, you still feel as if you are going through this experience alone. Your body is going through changes that are unbearable and unstoppable. Your friends say they will be there for you and be the best aunt/uncle to your bundle of joy, but how many actually stick around?
That brings me to the next thing, being a mom is lonely because people that were once your best-friend go off the radar once you give birth. Please don't think it's something you specifically did, because that's never the answer. It's more of their selfish reasons that make them drift away. They are too worried about drinking, partying, and sleeping around. They don't realize you can bring the baby to dinner, you can have someone watch the baby, you can still do things you once did.
No one sees that, because all they see you as now is a mom, not who you were before you became pregnant and gave birth. I had three best of friends before I got pregnant. Don't get me wrong, they stuck around during my pregnancy, they just were not as present as they once were. However, once I popped that baby out, they all went MIA. Do you ever think they wonder, how I'm doing like I wonder how they are doing?
Lastly, when I say momma needs a break, I don't mean, I need a complete break for longer than four hours. Being a mom, you are their shoulder to cry on, you are the maid, the cook, the person everyone relies on. Do they ever think, you need someone for yourself, that will do those things for you? All we want is to feel appreciated, loved, missed, everything in between. A simple 'thank you" would even do. I always wonder if they know I cry in the shower, if they can see in my eyes that I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I wonder on if they knew these things, they'd be okay with giving me or any other mom just a little bit of time or even if they would start showing their appreciation for us.
The sad thing is, everyone expects you to be okay, everyone judges you if you say you need some time to yourself. Everyone expects you to be the supermom all the time. But what if they were in your shoes? What if they were feeling the way you did? What if they actually asked you how your day was going and realized it isn't as happy and joyful as you put off? Everyone can fake a smile, everyone can act like nothing is wrong. People wonder why there is postpartum depression and baby blues. But do you ever sit back and ask yourself how you could have helped them or still help them?
Being a mom is the best thing to ever happen to me. To watch my son and my soon-to-be daughter grow up and live life. However, that does not mean I'm not lonely. So next time you go to judge the mom that needs a break, that has postpartum depression or baby blues, ask yourself these questions. Have you asked them what they needed? Have you asked them if they were okay? Have you told them they are doing great? Because we are all doing our best, but no one sees that, they only see the negative.
