I enjoy comedy. Not surprising I suppose, since most people do, but I enjoy comedy for a different reason. I like comedy because, most of the time, it can be used to bring focus to an issue in a friendly way.
Sometimes it’s not so friendly, though. Take Bo Burnham, for example. For those of you who don’t know who he is, he is a very blunt comedian and singer. His style is very straightforward and most of the time, sarcastic or farce. His song list includes titles such as “Kill Yourself,” “#Deep,” and “ART IS DEAD,” but I’m here to focus on one song of his, “Lower Your Expectations.”
When I first listened to “Lower Your Expectations,” I was surprised, to say the least. To sum up the song in an efficient manner, the song’s premise is that we have these unrealistic expectations of each other. For women, he says that they "want a guy that's sweet, a guy that's tough... a feminist who likes to pay for stuff.” For men, he says that “You want a girl that's nice, a girl that's not… obsessed with her looks, but is insanely hot.” At first, I didn’t think either of those were true, but as I stopped to think about it, I realized it was true. We put unrealistic expectations of each other. We want someone to be a specific way, and if they deviate, then we see them as somehow less than perfect. Expectations can really affect how we see each other.
So why do we even need to have expectations? Well, expectations are important to us. They give us a sense of security. We use expectations to give us a sense of control in our daily lives. If we can expect that someone will behave a certain way, or that they will treat us a certain way, then we can be proactive with our own actions and avoid being hurt or disappointed. While we may think these expectations help us, in reality, this sense of control we have isn’t real.
People can change if they want to and if we let them. This makes things complicated. Life’s complications scare us and knowing that we can’t control other people scares us. People can hurt us, they can disappoint us, they can let us down, but we’re all human. None of us are perfect. Instead of being afraid of people, afraid of disappointment, of hurt, maybe we should learn to be open.
Open to the idea that people make their own choices and that shouldn’t affect the way we treat each other. Like Bo Burnham said in “Lower Your Expectations," “we all deserve love, even at the times when we aren’t our best”, so maybe we should lower our expectations of each other. Maybe we should give up our idea of control and just allow people to be people. No one would be disappointed, no one would be pressured, and we can allow people to grow at their pace, and to find those who need our help.
