So. Friendship.
Everyone has it, everyone wants it. It is a simple human desire that needs little explanation. It is as essential a need as food and water or the air in our lungs. But when we try to narrow it down, try to explain the details and intricacies of friendship, we suddenly realize just how complex a thing it is.
More than enough has been written on the nature of friendship; I only serve to collate what little I have read into a coherent, and brief, analysis. Perhaps my own thoughts on the matter might slip in, but I doubt that I could add much to the conversation.
The most common attribute across all friendships is love. The word carries a heavier connotation than many of us are comfortable with, but, at its core, friendship is an exchange of love. Exchange is a key word, because a friendship by necessity must be among others, someone beyond yourself. Love must be present in any friendship.
Part of the difficulty of using this language of love is the confusion of intimacy with sex. A true friendship will be intimate, as Seneca wrote in his letters, we should "speak as unreservedly with him as you would with yourself." But this connection of interest, intellect and desires tends to confused with, or substituted with, the intimate nature of sex.
I have spoken with many about friendship, reading authors like Cicero and Seneca, who have written a great deal on friendship, and the common assumption is that any intimacy shared between these authors and their friends necessitated intercourse. This is not a baseless assumption, given that the language used is similar to how we today might confer with lovers, but a close reading shows that this is simply not the case.
So why do we think this is the case? A possible answer comes to mind:
We have lost the imagination for any discussion of love beyond sexual satisfaction.
Love, an integral part of human existence, has been conflated with a base sensation. To truly understand the nature of friendship we must work to pry the two ideas apart, separating them in our minds. Is there a place for sex? Yes, absolutely, but that is a questions which must be answered apart from the matter of friendship.
So we have said that love is what makes friendship so desirable, but what is love? Or rather, what does it mean practically?
For this, there is no simple answer, no one word explanation. But let me ask you, when was the last time you called your best friend? Sent them a text? Not for any emergency, or some sort of business, but just to see how they are doing. Have they contacted you? If you haven't, do so, or start doing so. You don't have to be obnoxious about it, but a simple call will go a long way.
To be continued next week.
