September 23rd Is National Bisexuality Day

September 23rd Is National Bisexuality Day

My personal journey coming to terms with my bi identity.

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September 23rd has been National Bisexuality Day for 18 years now. Organizations focused solely on the advancement, education, and support of bisexuality are very likely to hold online as well as in-person events to celebrate the day. The organization I founded back in 2007, Bisexual Initiative of Greater Cleveland is no exception. This year I decided to conduct an online mini-conference on bisexuality.

Coming to terms with my personal identity as bi has been an interesting road.

By the time I reached high school, I knew that I liked boys and girls. Yet those around me either liked one or the other. There were boys who were gay in my school, but not only could I not relate to them on a basic cisgender level, I could only identify with the struggles of liking boys as well. I had no way of finding a definition and/or support for who I was.

The one cis girl I met who first exposed me to the word bisexual was very promiscuous and flighty and was looked at by the rest of our schoolmates as someone to be avoided. I finally not only found another cisgendered female to talk to, but she also happened to like boys and girls. Yet, her attractions and interactions with boys and girls were very different than my own. So because of her, I now had a term to find out more about, but I still had yet to find someone who experienced attraction the same way I did. I decided I was only just a little bisexual then, because I had to be promiscuous to be truly bisexual, and I wasn't.

Due to the sexual trauma experienced as a child, and since I had not met a bisexual like myself, in my freshman year of college, I came out to my friends (and accidentally to my family) as lesbian.

The biggest online hub in 1999 was CollegeClub.com, and once my lesbianism was announced there, I was immediately warned to stay away from bisexuals. I was told they ruin relationships, that they were promiscuous, and that they were not welcome in gay spaces since their primarily straight and not gay.

I hadn't had very deep experiences with other bisexuals — I only knew the one girl from high school and bisexuals I came across online. So far they were all promiscuous. So since the promiscuity of bisexuals was "confirmed" for me, I figured what others said about them was true as well.

It wasn't until a year later that I fell in love with a guy again. I met him at a local bisexuality group at the Lesbian/Gay Center of Cleveland. I had to find out once and for all if I really was bisexual or not. Turns out I was!

I've had brief relationships with guys and females over the years since, but we were always mismatched. I always wanted something long-term, they didn't. They were all in the closet, I haven't been in the closet since I was 18 years old. These were all other nisexual people I was talking to.

I couldn't find another monogamous minded bisexual to connect with. So I thought it would be easier to partner with a lesbian since they seemed more long-term relationship minded. Yet the promiscuity of a good bit of bisexuals turned away any and all lesbians. This is where I currently am in my journey dating and relating to others as a bi cisfemale.

I also identify as demisexual, someone under the asexual umbrella, who only experiences sexual attraction to someone after a deep personal bond is formed. Due to this factor and all my previous romantic interpersonal interactions, the more accurate orientation I've adopted is biromantic. I am biromantic because I can form romantic relationships with cismen and ciswomen.

I took over and currently run the Bisexual Initiative because I still would like to find and relate to other bi individuals like myself. I also believe its important to still hold spaces for bisexuals not like myself so they can find friends, lovers, and support too. I also want the organization to serve as a source of education and information for the greater LGTPQA+communities who have negative views of bisexual people.

We are not all the same, and that's okay. We shouldn't be shunned and/or discounted for that. We care as much about greater queer community issues as the rest; and for those of us bisexuals who are more heterosexually inclined, we care about greater human rights issues too.

We are not gatekeepers to other orientations. We do not exist just to have sex. We are Bisexual.

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To The Girls I Wasn't Good Enough For Because I'm Transgender

A thank you to those I wasn't enough for, because I'm transgender.

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I didn't realize it at the time, but I was breaking my back for women and for relationships that were nothing but toxic.

I tried so hard to prove I was enough; man enough, worthy enough, and deserving of your love. To the girls who made me feel as if I wasn't enough because I'm a transman, thank you. No, this is not me being sarcastic or trying to "throw shade." I'm not "spilling any tea."

Maybe I've been listening to too much Ariana Grande, but this is a sincere thank you.

In the beginning, it wasn't always as clear as you blatantly saying "no one will love you for what you are" like you did at the end, you had your own special ways of making me feel little and inadequate. You kept me a secret because you didn't want to be called a "lesbian" or have people question your sexuality.

Your image was more important than me and my feelings.

You took a backseat and jokingly agreed whenever anyone would tell you to "get a real man." Your slick comments about being artificial and lacking a certain appendage cut much deeper than you could have ever imagined. Intimate contact from you was forced and I could see the slightly disgusted look on your face whenever it happened.

Your constant comparing me to your ex-lovers and even men you might take a future interest in because they "didn't require surgery or hormones to be men" broke me down lower than the dirt beneath your shoe. You knew it, and I believe you enjoyed it. I was never a priority and I was never your first choice, hell, I wasn't even your third or fourth choice.

You just liked knowing you had your power over me.

You did whatever it took to keep me wrapped around your finger, feeding me just enough to keep me coming back just to rip the rug from under me.

I took such pride in being transgender before you came along and ripped that right apart. I spent too much of my time questioning myself. Why wasn't I good enough? What could I do to become good enough? How could I change myself to be better for you?

Would you love me if I wasn't Trans? Would I be good enough then?

I was beginning to hate myself again and question the choices I made to become my authentic self. I would look upon myself and my body with shame. What a sick and twisted way of thinking. These thoughts ate away at me for the entirety of my relationships.

That's not love. That's toxicity.

It is because of you and your manipulation that I hit an all-time low, my absolute rock bottom, but there's only one way to go from such a low, and that is up.

It is because of you and our failed relationships that I am a better person than I was when I knew you. Our relationships weren't always bad, I'll give you that, but they certainly got there in time. I shared a few very special and incredible moments with some of my exes that I'll carry with me for life. I'm not being cocky when I say they weren't the best for me, but I believe I was the best for them.

Out of everyone, I had the most to offer. I did the most for them, I put them before me.

I loved them (or thought I did) despite destroying me with every cruel and degrading word that left their mouths. They took for granted and lost someone who would've moved mountains for a simple smile.

Regardless of how our stories ended, I will always want the best for them, silently cheering them on from the sidelines.

I hope they got what they wanted. I hope they never find themselves in a relationship with someone who treats them as they treated me. I hope no one belittles them, ignores them, or makes them fight so hard for their love or attention. No one in the world deserves to be treated that way.

At this point in my life, I can honestly say I'm more confident and sure of myself than I have ever been.

And it's because of you, thank you.

Thank you for telling me and making me feel like I wasn't enough because now I know it's not that I wasn't enough, maybe I was too much, but you're never too much for someone who can't get enough of you. Thank you for breaking me down because in those days is where I did the most self-reflection. I will never question myself again. I will never apologize or make an excuse for being who I am.

Thank you for leaving me completely alone, because I was able to grow and be stable on my own two feet, without you. I learned to find the positivity again that you stole from me. I learned to love myself again, by myself, making damn sure this time it wouldn't falter again for anyone. I learned I didn't need to beg for another chance from you, but to instead give that chance to myself.

By giving myself that chance I am thriving and living as the happiest I've ever been. Thank you for kicking me down so low, because I've rebuilt myself back better than I ever thought possible.

Thank you for being so bad for me, because I can now appreciate how special my current relationship is. I'm so lucky to have finally found someone who never lets me question or doubt myself for a split second.

I'm with someone who doesn't cringe when she sees my chest scars, someone who wants to learn how to give me my testosterone shot, and who showers me with reassurance every single day. I'm so grateful to have found someone who makes me forget all about being transgender, who wants to learn my body and how to love it alongside with me. What a beautiful turn of events it's been.

I take all that I've learned from you and I've flipped it so that I am able to give my all to someone who finally deserves it.

Thank you.

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Kids Learning About LGBTQ History In School Is A Step In The Right Direction

It will create a better environment for the youth of America.

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On February 1st, there was an article posted, talking about the bill that was passed on Thursday, January 31st that required schools to teach LGBT history.

I initially saw this article on my Facebook timeline when a conservative acquaintance of mine posted it and said how terrible it is and that it's "another reason to move out of state".

Additionally, some of his friends commented under the post about how outraged they were that this is now a thing, saying that they're going to send their kids to private schools or homeschool them because they "don't want their kids to question their sexuality".

Well, I've got news for you. I know plenty of kids who went to private school with me and they are a part of the LGBT community. You have no way of preventing your child from questioning who they are or being gay.

I grew up going to a private school, where religious beliefs and the thought that it's not okay to be different were shoved down our throats daily. Now, I'm not saying private school was a bad thing; if I didn't go there, I might not have the morals I do.

Private school was actually a good thing for developing good morals. I'm saying that forcing a certain way of thinking will only make your child stray further.

As stated in the screenshot from the article above, children learning about the LGBT community will NOT force your child to question who they are. Questioning who you are is a part of life. Everyone questions who they are at one point or another.


Learning about LGBT leaders and contributors will make kids less ignorant in the subject and more rounded in the history of our country. LGBT kids will be less scared, and non-LGBT kids will be more accepting and knowledgable.

We've learned black history, history of immigrants, and the history of the country since we were little. The LGBT community is a part of our history.

When my parents were growing up, no one talked about serious issues like mental health and sexuality. Everyone suppressed everything. Conservatives act like being gay is a disease and keeping their kids away from DIVERSITY and INCLUSION will make their kids "normal", which isn't even a thing.

I'm proud of the direction that New Jersey is going in. A good chunk of mental health issues are linked to having to suppress who you really are. By learning about others that are like them, LGBTQ+ youth will feel less alone and will be able to open up more.

It's 2019 and it's about damn time that this bill was passed.

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