Sexy Mythical Creatures
Start writing a post
relationships

Top 10 Mythical Creatures To Have A One-Night-Stand With

This article was inspired by a conversation I had with my dear housemates, xoxo Shel, Miranda, Max.

8821
Centaur definition

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a moderately-sized co-op's slightly-dirty living room with 4 individuals who collaborated on this article. Let's be honest, we've all had these conversations; I'm just bringing them to light. Let's start.

1. Bigfoot

You know what they say about big feet.

r.ddmcdn.com

Bigfoot is number 10, because while he is rumored to be well-endowed, he is hard to get in contact with and might ghost you. He also probably has mommy Earth issues, and I'm not about to play therapist for another man, let alone a mythical one.

2. Medusa

Medusa rhymes with Sedusa, which she will do after a night of awkwardly avoiding contact at a frat party. However, she does come with a lot of tongues, and emotional baggage, so you may want to steer clear of anything besides a one-night-stand. Just imagine the snakes tho.

3. Werewolves

This is a contentious one, because I personally am not attracted to werewolves. However, the silent ghostwriters of this article are.

"Their power, their agility, their grace, shall I go on? Their hair. Very hairy. I love that. Imagine running your fingers through their hair." -- Quote from my roommate.

4. Mermaids/Sirens

You are a liar if you don't want to seduce a mermaid, or rather, be seduced by a siren's loving call. These queens of the oceans are all probably tops, and that's a rarity in the world of sapphic bottoms. However, they'll probably kill you, so keep that in mind.

5. Unicorn (But Not the Horse, I Mean A Bisexual Femme)

There are a lot of boring, unattractive straight couples on Tinder looking for a "third" to spice things up. Sadly for them, human beings are not objects and don't exist to fulfill your sexual wishes because your boyfriend doesn't know what a clit is. Please get off Tinder, for the love of God.

6. Elves, Specifically The Keebler Elf

"Why, specifically the Keebler elf, my friend?"
"Look at those cheeks. He has some very plump cheeks. Both up top, and bottom." -- Unnamed housemate

7. Centaur

Centaurs are number four on the list for several reasons. 1. That gallop. 2. That long, beautiful mane. 3. You can probably guess.

I think my biggest issue with centaurs is they seem a little pretentious. They'd seem like mansplain Joy Division to me at a house show. They just have that look.

8. Kraken

I would take him home to my mother. He's just misunderstood, and a little bit slippery. Very anime, I know.

9. Ghosts

I feel like the ectoplasm would be an interesting experience. If it weren't for number one on this list, I would immediately take home a ghost and let them possess me.

10. An Unproblematic White Man

cdn.pixabay.com

Despite my many attempts, I have only been disappointed by the myth of a man who didn't have some sort of fucked up political beliefs. Regardless, I'm still going to keep falling for the idea of one.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

'Hotel Transylvania: Transformania' Film Review

Solid animation can't raise the newest entry in Sony's colorful monster series beyond the basics

5364
'Hotel Transylvania: Transformania' Film Review
Photo Credit: Amazon Prime Video – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6suJohjIvfo

I take a slight issue with the idea that Adam Sandler didn’t have a good dramatic role until ‘Uncut Gems,’ what about ‘Hotel Transylvania’ (he says semi-seriously)?’

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

4 Common Reasons Couples Get Divorced

Are some people just not meant to be together? Is there any way to prevent an impending divorce?

50288
4 Common Reasons Couples Get Divorced

We've all heard the statistics. Roughly 50% of married couples eventually end up divorced. This can lead to complications, problems with your children, financial issues, and no small amount of negative emotions.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

​Pets are Good for the Soul

Millions of Americans have found comfort in pet ownership. The media has been awash with stories about a surge in pet ownership, as Americans have taken advantage of the ability of pets to improve emotional well-being.

57304
Good for the Soul
Pets are Good for the Soul

America is going through a mental health crisis. This crisis predates the global pandemic, but has in many ways been dramatically exacerbated by it. In 2019, 19.86% of adults, or 50 million Americans, reported suffering from a mental illness. The emotional toll of the pandemic has been heavy, with over half of U.S. adults saying that they have experienced stress and worry related to Covid-19. Anxieties over work, uncertainty about the future and other triggers have intensified the mental health crisis. Millions of Americans have found comfort in pet ownership. The media has been awash with stories about a surge in pet ownership, as Americans have taken advantage of the ability of pets to improve emotional well-being.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How Your Sleep Position Affects Your Health?

You changed into your pajamas, turn off the lights, and get yourself ready to sleep. How do you prefer to sleep, on the back, on your side, or on your tummy? Although there’s no scientific result that sleeping position affects your back, here are some interesting facts that have been discovered.

169932
Sleep Position

You changed into your pajamas, turn off the lights, and get yourself ready to sleep. How do you prefer to sleep, on the back, on your side, or on your tummy? Although there’s no scientific result that sleeping position affects your back, here are some interesting facts that have been discovered.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How to Throw the Ultimate Winter Bash

As the year starts to come to an end, make sure you find the time to have some fun as well.

119122
Ultimate Winter Bash

As the year starts to come to an end, make sure you find the time to have some fun as well.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments