It's something we do naturally. We look for that one friend who is going to be our everything: there for us no matter what, with us through thick and thin, there to push us to be better but love us just the same. We often see little ones pair up claiming to be best friends and when asked why, it all comes down to having a similar interest or playing on the same sports team. It's all so simple then. As we grow up, though, friendships become more complex, and it's more difficult to find that one best friend.
I'm here to say, that maybe that best friend doesn't exist.
Hear me out.
Sure, there might be that one person who you can talk with like no one else, or who gets you like no one else does, and the friendship feels deeper, because the conversations are deeper, or perhaps because the history between you both makes the friendship deeper. But I would say that that is just the role that person plays in your life: they're the "deep conversation friend," or the "most shared memories friend."
There's also the "friend I can be my silliest with," the "academic friend who I can nerd out with," or "the blood sister/brother friend" who watches the same tv shows or sports teams as you do. Friends play a variety of roles in our lives, and they fulfill different needs that we have. We all need those friends who can keep the conversation light and fun, but also have someone to turn to when we need to be serious and real about life.
Having one best friend who fulfills all these roles, puts a lot of expectations on that one person. And when they don't come through for you, or they don't play all the roles you want them to, you get angry and disappointed and it all just erupts in confusion, hurt, and ultimately to questioning that relationship.
The truth is, having one person who meets all your needs/wants/desires as a best friend, is a myth. It's a lie. It's impossible. No one person can be everything you need, your perfect other half, available and there for you whenever, however.
I'm not telling you to stop using the term "best friend" as a reference to a relationship that means a lot to you, what I am saying is that we don't throw the phrase around all the time. We need to get used to the idea that having that one best friend only exists in a fantasy world, and that we need to stop searching. We need to be content with all the friends in our lives and the different roles that they all play.
Invest in all your friendships, and yes, cherish those friendships that might mean a little more to you. Just don't expect them to be everything you want them to be. And if you don't put that expectation on the relationship, that'll put less stress and pressure on the both of you, leading to a much healthier, much more realistic, friendship.
Let's embrace the different friends play different roles reality, and accept the fact we're all human, and we can't expect another person to be perfect for us.
