In one of my classes, I sit with a friend of mine who is a member of one of the truly awesome fraternities on our campus. We sit in the front row of the lecture hall every day and regularly interact with our professor. One day, in particular, she was discussing "flash bulb memories," which are memories that engrave themselves into your brain due to extreme moments of emotional trauma or stress. The first example she used was hazing in fraternities and sororities. My friend and I looked at each other and immediately started laughing because we both belong to non-hazing chapters. At this point in the development of Greek life on most campuses, hazing is all but a thing of the past. Allegations of such are the quickest and easiest way to get a chapter shut down, and for values-based organizations, it's just not necessary anymore. So it really, genuinely, does not happen.
When the professor asked us why we had laughed at her statement, we both attempted to explain that hazing isn't really relevant anymore. In response, she winked and said (in a somewhat patronizing tone) something along the lines of, "Oh, suuuure they don't," as if she was in on some inside joke with the two of us.
After a few more moments of attempted explanation from both of us about how we weren't hazed and that fraternities and sororities these days are genuinely about much more than that, we just sighed and gave up. She wasn't listening, and that's usually how it goes.
Whether it's classmates, older family members or professors, this is the response I always get when I try to explain that my sorority doesn't haze. It makes me just as frustrated and angry every single time, and here's why. My sorority has become the single most wonderful thing in my life since joining and becoming initiated in the fall of 2015. Because of it, I have become the woman I had always hoped to be. I'm constantly surrounded by unconditional love and support, by people who push me to chase after my dreams, who are there for me at the end of a long day and who never fail to believe in me no matter what. These women make me smile, inspire me and have genuinely changed my life for the better. I have met some of my best friends, including some of the guys I've met in the fraternities on our campus who are amazing, always watching out for me and my sisters and making us laugh. But it's not just the social aspect. Because of my sorority, I have become more confident and noticeably happier. Because of my sorority, I didn't give up, and I have a home.
The thought of these women who are so influential in my life and so wonderful, hazing me, is laughable. I couldn't even imagine what that would look like because it just didn't happen. I chose my particular sorority because these women place values and morals above all else. Scholarship, sisterhood, and steadfast love are three of our main values, and they make their way into everything we do. There were no cruel rituals during our new member period or initiation, just getting to know truly amazing girls and learning all about the history of my sorority in the process. I was never forced to drink excessive amounts of alcohol (or even offered alcohol for that matter), by any active members, nor was I ever humiliated or made to feel insignificant. The active members made all of us feel beautiful, valued and important.
So yeah— just because you've seen "Legally Blonde" or maybe "The Neighbors," doesn't mean you actually understand what we, as fraternity and sorority members, care about. From the inside, it's a heck of a lot more than parties and cute t-shirts. And when you laugh in my face because I tried to tell you I wasn't hazed, it kind of feels like you're not only devaluing the most important thing in my life, but also undermining the wonderful experiences and memories I've made through my sorority, many of which occurred during my new member period/ initiation (the times when people always assume hazing happens). It would be like you telling me that your sports team won the state championship, and me laughing at you, winking and saying, "Well, for your division at least." It's inconsiderate, rude, and in its most basic sense, you're standing in front of me as someone who knows very little about what actually goes on within Greek life, telling me that you know more about my sorority than I do as an active member.
I don't pretend to know everything that goes on in your groups of friends or the clubs and organizations you're a part of. So please, for the love of all that is holy, stop acting like you know more about what happens in my sorority than I do. Stop acting like me telling you that my chapter doesn't haze is just something I have to say, like I'm trying to cover up some nasty truth. Stop acting as if interrogating me about "how I was hazed" is going to unveil some juicy secret. There's nothing to find, because we don't have anything to hide. You don't know anything about us, about our values and the bond that we share. All I have to say is that my sorority doesn't haze.
