On my way back home this weekend, I met a Chinese woman in her late 30s. She sat next to me on a bus going to Coney Island. Her husband, who looked like in his 40s, was standing holding their 3-year-old daughter. The bus was a little crowded in the front so the husband and their daughter moved to the back where there were a few seats.
The woman asked me if she needed to transfer at 8 avenue in Brooklyn for the train to Coney Island. I told her that she could stay on the bus and didn’t need to transfer because the train wasn’t running this weekend. She thanked me, and said she couldn’t understand the other woman who was speaking to her in Cantonese.
Our conversation began. From 53rd Street to Bay Parkway, which was about 20 minutes’ bus ride, she shared her values and views about living in the U.S. with me. Even though she is a stranger to me, I could feel empathic to a lot things that she said.
She told me that she stayed in New York City for now because she’s waiting for her Green Card. Her husband first came to California and was working in a restaurant a few years ago. He got his Green Card through asylum. Now, he is helping her with the application. She advised me not to stay in the U.S. through asylum because there would be many limitations if I go back to China one day and work there. Her look turned to her young daughter sitting in the back of the bus and then told me that she would go back to China once she gets her Green Card because she would live a comfortable live back home and send her child to a better school.
“My child is still young and I don’t want her to receive the fundamental education here,” She said. Contrary to many Chinese immigrants who came to the U.S. in hopes that their children will receive the first-class education in the U.S., she said she would rather her daughter to grow up in China.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“If you live with some of the kids who were born here and know their situations, you would know that some of those kids were not truly happy,” she said. “Their parents had to work a lot and didn’t have enough time to care for them. They didn’t grow up in a family where they got enough attention that they needed."
Growing up in a family where my parents always have high expectations for me, I could understand the reasoning behind a rigid Chinese parenting. In China, it was quite common to see a small kid juggling between different classes outside their normal schooling. Parents would go to great lengths to equip their children with enough skills while they are still young, such as sending their kids to piano classes, calligraphy classes, drawing classes, etc. They were doing so for fear that their kids would fall behind than other children in China.
“I am doing china business in China and it was pretty good. I have my own house, but here, I have to share a small space with others. Compared to many Chinese immigrants here, I have a choice. If I don’t like it here, I can always go back," she continued.
This reminded me of a popular question. “To here or to go?” It is probably mostly heard in a restaurant. However, it is a legit question that many foreigners have asked themeless sometimes. Should I go back home? Or should I stay here?
It is a hard question, a life choice and an attitude that reflects our current state of living. Unlike decades ago when the first round of Chinese immigrants settled down in the U.S., many students from middle-class families now come to the U.S. for school. As a result, the immigration trend turns from labor intense to intellectual labor. Many international students chose to stay here after graduation because they can get a well-paying job and live a decent life. At the same time, a number of them did go back to China after a few years of working in the U.S.
Life is about making choice and so does happiness. To here or to go may not be that important as long as a person is satisfied with his or her status quo. Education empowers us in a way that can make us make choices on our own and pursue a happy life that we truly enjoy. In that sense, where do we live? Why does it matter so much?
