I've finally parked. For some, this could be a long journey, while for others it may take them only minutes. My heart begins racing in anticipation. Getting out of the car and walking up to the sliding doors seems to take years. I've entered, I'm taking it all in, and it begins.

The red and white signs are everywhere - it's if the bullseyes are leading me to every purchase. After walking in and grabbing the perfect shopping cart, my first stop beckons: the dollar section. How can one section have so many useful items for the meager price of 100 pennies, four quarters, or 10 dimes? Of course, I need this sticker set! Oh, and these small lady bug candles for summer would match in my room somewhere. I think... Nonetheless, in the cart they go! Stickers for my windows? The world needs to see these.

I'm passing (with haste) the cleaning supplies for those aisles only make my heartache in the things that need to be done, and that is not what Target is for! I am here to spend my time doing what needs to not be done: shopping for items I most likely, probably, most certainly don't need.

My hands shake on the cart in excitement as I near the home and living sections. Do I own a house you ask? I do not, but that does not stop me from buying two new ottomans, a throw blanket, 20 pillows, and a statue in the shape of an elephant for goodness knows where! Do I need these things? Of course! These ottomans would look great with that one shade in my curtains. What if the power goes out in southern Alabama? I will most definitely need another blanket to add to my collection of endless blankets in case the temperature ever drops below 80. I don't even need to explain the pillows. The elephant is symbolic for who I am as a person obviously... These questions are ridiculous. Target would never sell something I didn't need.

I hear shrieking from three aisles, "OMG, they have my size!" These exclamations cause me to rush over - I'm certain that they will have my size too in whatever is OMG-worthy. SHOES. Shoes are on clearance. It's sandals galore. TWO-TONE FLATS FOR $8 GIRLS! Need I say more?

This story must come to a close, for I hear a "customers, we are closing in 15 minutes". The corporation is trying to keep us apart, but I promise it will only be for a short time. I, and millions of others will use your online shopping feature during days of laziness, boredom, or the need to see the sale on utensils that you spoke about in the email headline. Oh, Target, how I love your decently-priced swimsuits, makeup selections, and craft section. Without you, what would most of my paycheck and Saturday evening consist of?