A vital aspect of sociology is looking at how generational divides and family lines affect individuals. A key term I've heard in multiple sociology classes is the sandwich generation. The sandwich generation is the group of people that are stuck caring for their own children and their parents, the folks that once took care of them. Researchers look a lot into this generation, observing the dual responsibilities and the role reversal that comes with taking care of the adults who once cared for them. In the context of Purdue, most of my professors have focused on the future, and how current student will be experiencing this trend within the next decade as we start our own families, have our own children, and have to start caring for our aging parents. But what about now? What about our current positions as the children that make our parents into a sandwich?
As someone going through the process of losing a grandparent, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a piece of the bread in this metaphorical sandwich. I've thought about my needs, I've tried to empathize with my mother, I've thought about the needs of my passing grandmother, I've thought about the guilt, the burden of being a care-recipient, I've thought about the changing expectations since I am now an adult, and not just a child. Despite all the thinking, I haven't reached a decision or final mindset to make everything “okay”, but I have some thoughts for other adult sandwich breads going through similar experiences.
First of all, do whatever you can to support the top bread, the older generation. Despite what sociology might say, it's not all on the middle generation to handle everything. The focus should be on the role transition of the sandwiched generation, so to be supportive as possible to both generations makes it easier on everyone.
As college students though, the opportunity to be supportive is very slim and restricted by our student obligations. The Office of the Dean of Students has grief policies, understands, and makes accommodations for family deaths and emergencies, but everything ultimately falls down to the discretion of the professor. There is no guaranteed protection for sick family members, for family in hospice, essentially for any proactive measures. Sure, professors are human and might let you miss a class or two, but you still need to do your assignments, papers, and be meeting learning objectives while away from school. So sure, you can say your goodbyes, but the stress and responsibility of school will always be looming over your head. And with this, the university has created a new sandwich, their own students stuck between caring for family and their academics, their future. There's not an easy choice, a right choice, or anything to ease the stress. There is only sacrifice with the hopes of support coming from somewhere to help you through the process.
Lastly, you have a right to take care of yourself. You get to say goodbye, to help out, to spend time with the older generation in the picture. While people might focus on the folks in the middle, don’t forget that you deserve to mourn and love in a way that is best for you. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, so just remember that this is your family, and you get as much love and attention as you need.
