Suicide prevention month is a very hard time and topic to talk about personally because it's something that affects me every day. I have a bracelet from the company Pura Vida that is for suicide prevention month, and I also have a semicolon tattoo that represents how far I've come in life and that I need to continue. These are just some of the things that are important to people who deal with depression and anxiety and who feel like they do not want to continue with their lives.
As someone who deals with living with the days that they do not want to live or feeling like they're the only ones that understand what you're going through, what I say is that you are not alone. Everyone has a battle and sometimes the battles are a little bit harder for others and sometimes they're easier. Having a certain saying has really helped me over the years. Two quotes that I love and say are "keep pushing" and "you are enough". Even though these are so standard and simple the reminder that I can do this, and people are there for me helps my battle every day.
One of the biggest challenges I have faced is coming to realize that I am not okay. This is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but like me I was afraid to ask for him and thought suicide would fix all my problems. In the end I realized it wouldn't because I would be leaving loved ones, family, and friends behind. They would have no explanation, no chance to say goodbye and possibly say my death was their fault. When that's just wrong. No one is to blame for how your head works. Yes, some outside factors may be the reason you feel like crap all the time, but it is they way you see yourself. The questions you ask yourself. Your mindset is negative, but it needs to be positive so that you can keep pushing.
Something that made me realize that the world would not be better without me, is my family. When my family found out I was in the hospital for attempted suicide my younger sister heard my dad say it. Knowing that she heard that hurt my heart. My little sister is my whole heart. But in the moment, I had of not wanting to live, that didn't cross my mind. I know pray every night that she will never have to hear my parents say that again, that I will never leave her. She is too precious to ever go through that again knowing her big sister was in the hospital for wanting to leave this Earth. I use my sister as my guide to keep going and pushing every day. I promised my mom and dad that I will be more open about my feelings.
Being open. It is so hard, but so worth it. Learning this and practicing this, is one of the hardest things I have ever done because I am not used to it. In the past I liked to hide my feelings and say what everyone wanted to hear, but know I know that I must share no matter what. Even if you think no one will love you or like you after you share, just know you are false. The people you share with are going to love you even more and want to help and support you in anyway.
One more quote I wanted to share is "you are so loved." I don't know who is going to read this, but know that, that statement is 100% true.