my place is yours //

how can i fill the place in my heart

where a piece of you once lived

i try to “let go” as most advise

but these words have no meaning

to my imperial thoughts

they say, settle with another

why can’t you place someone else first, they ask

but, rebounds – they are an unrealistic cover-up

without my words fully told and

my thoughts fully expressed

i secretly battle my mind that dares to

think of a person that is not you

they say, focus on the things that make you happy

why can’t you surround yourself

with people who make you happy, they ask, but

you made me happy

sometimes i’d turn the corners and see you

just standing there, desperately wanting to say something

but no words came to mind

only inarticulate feelings in my heart

and butterflies in my stomach

my love for others remains in my heart, but

the spot with your name on it is blank

my mind floods with thoughts of you

i shove them to the back of my mind

praying that i will be mindless of your actions, but

with a beat of my swollen heart

you attack the barriers of my brain,

through the tangled veins to my broken lungs and my shattered heart

thoughts invade my mind

i’m in quicksand

stuck in swirling memories of us

trying to wriggle my way out

imagining what we could have been

what my mouth cannot put into words

my tears will depict

after days, what felt like centuries

keeping my mouth sealed with

the tape of your carelessness

at last, my trembling lips

terrified to speak, internally suffocating

i click send and say all that i longed to say

how much i cared for your happiness

how happy i was with you

but then

no pain is worse than silence

nothing beats opening up

the hope that grows from realness that so many lack

anticipating a response, stretched out

just wishing maybe his phone’s just on silent, right?

but i wait and i wait and the hope slowly lessens

in the way that my love for you will not

the moment never came

so silence has taught me

i am forced to face reality

i can’t let go

even if i’m supposed to

i pin the idea of unrequited love

into my mind and accept it, but

i will never accept moving on from you

we all have that person

one we may never move on from

we know this, i know this

yet you are still present in my heart

and alive in my mind

despite the dreadful anticipation, the pain, the tears

you will forever be here.