"I do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me, I want to be full on my own, I want to be so complete I could light a whole city, and then I want to have you because the two of us could set it on fire."
After reading Rupi Kaur's book "Milk and Honey," I felt my perception of relationships expand. In today's society, we are quick to believe we are not complete until we find our other half to fill our feeling of emptiness. We find ourselves dreading days like Valentine's Day and on the hunt for someone who has the ability to fill our "loneliness."
But really what is the result of that?
Desperation.
There is constant pressure on us making us doubt ourselves when we have not settled down. Our drive to find someone results in us settling for the first person we find an attraction to. Being alone scares so we try our hardest to make a dying relationship stay afloat. We end up choosing people who are not right for us or who do not elevate us, leading to constant unhappiness.
The best relationships flourish when they are unexpected. When we have our personal lives and confidence in check we are able to live our separate lives but as Rupi said, set cities on fire when we are together.
There is a huge difference in the way you view relationships when you are confident in being complete without another person. You are looking for that person for all the right reasons. Falling into the trap of finding someone to fill your sense of loneliness attracts a partner with similar intentions. This type of relationship becomes built on negativity and overly high expectations.
How do you know when you are complete on your own?
You need to be able to look in the mirror and love every aspect of yourself physically and mentally. Be proud of the accomplishments you make and remember that all mistakes are the building blocks that shaped you into the person that you are today.
You need to stop looking at a relationship as the light at the end of the tunnel or the solution to ultimate happiness. It is important to understand that happiness is attainable right now and you are the only one responsible for attaining that happiness.
When you feel complete standing alone, you begin to understand what you want, what you need, and what is truly right for you. Being in a relationship will provide ultimate bliss and then come, but only when you are capable of being perfectly happy by yourself.
