My Dearest Nina,

I doubt if you remember me at your shows. I doubt you remember me gushing over you at your meet and greets at Tracks in Denver. I always came for you; I always waited in line for you. I took you in like the queen and goddess you are. I told you during one of the meet and greets, with you, thank you. I thanked you for making it easier for people like me to come out and live out. And you told me to live me no matter what. You gave me a hug and your love. And I will never forget it. You, on that stage, in those meet and greets, changed my life.

I first attended Drag Nation at Tracks with my cousin and his wife. They love Tracks, and after me talking about going over and over they finally took me with them. They were my safety as I entered a world unknown to me. And it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with all of it. With the music, the makeup, the artistry, the dancing, the energy, everything. I remember it was your birthday in February of 2015, and you came out in green, performing to “Against All Odds”. You had the energy of a thousand suns, and confidence I only dream of. As you danced I learned something about the world. I learned the importance of dancing gracefully, with strength and power. I re-watch the YouTube video of that performance when I need a pick me up, or when I just want to remember that first night.

I came to your shows during my time as a graduate student. I was struggling with the peer pressure of academia, the pressure of perfection, the pressure of living in a certain kind of box often void of expression, imagination, and creativity. I was struggling to understand who I was as a recently out lesbian, and somehow, going to a drag show with a majority of gay men dressed as women changed everything for me. Tracks became a sanctuary for me that I would return to every month for Drag Nation when possible. You were and are the heart of that LGBTQIA+ nightclub in Denver, in an old warehouse. You were the force that got people in the doors, crowding around that stage. You were the force that got other queens to excel in the Denver drag scene, and you were the force that got famous queens across the country to come to Denver to share the stage with you.

And you are always grateful. You are there for you and for us. I wonder if you knew the impact you would have on our community when you came out, and later when you would start to do drag and then do it professionally. I wonder if you know now the lives you change, the lives that decided to hold on a little longer because you were living as you.

Every night after the show was done, as you were probably untucking backstage after greeting hundreds of sweaty and adoring fans, I would have tears in my eyes. I felt home there. I had found my safe place during a time where my mental health was nearly nonexistent. I had found a home where I wasn’t alone. I danced until my feet hurt, and I screamed until my voice hurt.

I remember introducing you and your beauty to one of my best friends, a young gay man from France who has an uncanny facial similarity to James Franco. We danced that night as you came out in tall red high heeled boots, performing to “These Boots Were Made For Walking”. It was the same night you were in all purple for your second number, where you were so in the moment of your fearless dancing you danced right off the stage. I remember how everyone’s energy and attention went directly to you, a collective gasp filled the dance floor as you rose back up to the stage and continued on.

Nina, there are not enough words, nothing adequate enough to express my gratitude. Of course, you or some may say that a small town girl, a young lesbian, is just being over dramatic in her love of a Puerto Rican drag queen. I don’t care. The space that you worked so hard to create, the love and energy that you had throughout your performance and through the endless pictures with audience members, got me through one of the most difficult times of my life. As I drove out of Colorado for the last time as I was moving away with a packed car, I felt a piece of my heart had been left at Tracks, to be with you.

What I am most grateful for is you support this community and hold it up with a fierceness and also a deep gratitude that is so apparent. You love your stage, your queens, your people. You are love. And in those two years I lived in Colorado for graduate school, you were my shining light beckoning me to a new home where I could be safe. Yes, your presence helped me to understand my identity as a gay woman. But more significantly, the thing you created, Drag Nation, and you kept me together. You didn't know it then, and you may never read this, but I wouldn't have made it through those two years to my diploma with a little help from you.

You will always have a special place in my heart. dear Nina.

With so much love,

Caty <3