When sadness erupts into your life you question, “why?” Truth is, we don’t know why terrible things happen to good people. We don’t know why people get hurt from right and left. My mom had a huge impact on my life. She gave me 18 years of endless love and I could not be more grateful. Sadly, she is the good person who had a bad thing happen to her. And I am the one who got hurt. I sit here writing this and I question, “why?”
My last article I wrote about how my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I talked about how strong she was and how much I looked up to her. Ironically, the day it was published she passed away. There are not enough words in the world to describe this feeling. The feeling of grief when you lose someone. The best way to describe it is that a piece of my heart was ripped out and there is a wound that can never be healed.
People keep asking me, “are you okay? “and “how are you doing.” To be honest, I am not okay and I am not fine. I am simply heartbroken. How could I not be? She was by my side every day, every hour, every minute and every second. Now she is not and I am in a dark room where the walls are slowly closing in on me and I cannot breathe. I cannot breathe because, “my mom is” quickly turned into, “my mom was.”
I always go back to my last article and I see how I wrote that I am strong. Sometimes I do not feel this way. I feel weak and tired and I want the walls to close in on me. But then I think, my mom would not want that. She would want me to be strong, so I will be.
My family is strong, my friends are strong, you are strong and I am strong. As I start to realize this each day, some light peaks through. I can breathe if I allow myself to. Loss is not easy, but the way you go about it is what keeps you alive. Realizing how many good memories I had with her keeps me going. I still do believe there is no pain in the world that can destroy me.
That is the way you have to look at things. I know there are so many good people out there with bad things that happen to them and so many ones who get hurt. But trust me, strength is key and one thing my mom has taught me is to not even question. Stop sitting there and questioning why it happened.
We will never know.
Instead of being in this dark room you have to live your life to the fullest and keep going. You want those good memories, you want that person to be able to impact your life. I know for certain, my mom has. I will forever be saddened by losing her, but I refuse to let it stop me. No, I am not okay and no I am not fine, but I will be.
You want to question ME, “why?” Well, because I am strong.
