Some people say it's good to dream. To engulf yourself into your future, your past, and your present. To picture the paths you'll take. The kind of goals you'll meet. The kind of people you'll meet. The kind of life you'll have.
But what if it wasn't all that great? What if it just led to impossible dreams? Dreams that could disappoint you?
I have this hope. This hope that makes me wish I could actually be more social. I hope that I can approach the guys I like. I dream of being someone who can converse easily with others and be able to be strong and independent.
As a shy girl, I rarely talk to people. I often wait for people to start a conversation with me. I hope people ask me to hang out with them. I rarely ask them to go hang out with me. I barely participate in my class out of fear that I would answer a question wrong. I'm afraid. But I dream of not being this shy girl. As a matter of fact, I despise being this shy girl. Even my language teacher knows I am the girl who tends to think to herself; someone who does not like to openly share her opinions to strangers. And it's true.
It's a new year. I want to change my personality. I just want to be more outgoing. As a introverted person, I tend to overthink about what others think of me. This is one of the causes as to why I rarely approach people. I always worry that they'll talk badly behind my back and only talk to me out of pity or because they have no one else to talk to. This fear started to engulf me when I heard a group of girls in my school talk bad about a girl in my grade. From then on, I got scared to talk to anyone.
But that's the problem. Because I'm too concerned about what others will think of me, I'm cutting off people from my social life. I won't be able to converse with people unless I break through this barrier. But as of right now, I'm too scared to step over the barrier; I can only dream of doing so. It's absolutely relieving to imagine myself crossing over that barrier and being able to have a nice conversation with others. But I just can't. The fear is too overwhelming. I feel as if I will never be able to get past this barrier. Only through my dreams will I be able to do so.
But is this all I can do? Hope that someone will come and break through this barrier for me? Will this only happen in my imagination?
Or shall I make it reality and make this my future?
