My Heart Can't Take The Damage
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I think from what my friends and family have said about me, that me being one of the most selfless people that they know that I do not deserve it. I do not deserve to have the pain of not realizing why I am not good enough. The pain of wishing you to hold me tighter and tell me I am pretty. The pain of giving a damn if I was by your side or no. The tears I cried were not worth it. The pain I felt each and every day was not worth it. The hours I would go wondering if I deserved to be loved or not. I questioned my worthiness, I questioned my sanity, I questioned myself worth. I questioned myself, I wondered what I did to deserve the pain, the hurt, the agony, the mistreatment. I wondered why am I always treated like dog shit in the end. Why am I the one trying so hard, yet I am the one the most hurt in the end. It is funny how that works. Being the one trying to make the other person happy. But then you lose yourself. You lose who you are as a person. You lose how to make yourself happy, you lose your smile. Damn it, girl, you have a beautiful time. But it is gone because you let him take it from you. So why would you do that? Why would you let him take who you are as a person? The tears are not worth it. The wondering if he will change is not worth it. The begging to be treated like a decent human is not worth it. I promise babe it will happen. But for now, slow down. Take a deep breath, smile, do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy. Take another deep breath, worry about what is in the now. Worry about what is right in front of you. Worry about what you need to get done. Prince charming may or may not come. But do not worry about that. Worry about your happiness, your self-love, your sanity. You will be happy, you will be loved, and you will be okay. Just slow down, let the tears fall, let the smiles happen, let the laughs continue, let the anger roll, and let the love come.

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