Oh how I longed for you

I felt your sweet embrace when I cried,

your cold fingers ran through my unwashed hair and you didn't leave when I asked.

You sat with me in the stairwell

when everyone else was in class.

You didn't tell me to pray to your god,

you told me to slip that little pill down my throat.

When she told me she was leaving

You brought me the bottle

And put the pills in my hand

You watched me as I mixed the two and held my hand as we both waited.

You yelled in anger as I threw it all up into the sink

And tried to salvage the undesolved pills from

my vomit. You wanted me to join you

but it wasn't my time yet.

You haven't left my side since,

you gave me the bladefor me to add

scars to my shoulder

and sang to me when I wept in my bed.

You protested outside my graduation and

kissed the open wounds I get from

accidently pricking myself with a sewing needle.

Then you ask me,

"Do I still want you?"

Don't I miss your touch? Your voice when you sang to me, your arm around my shoulder when I sat in that fucking stairwell, "Don't you miss that stairwell?"

"No I don't," I told you, "No I don't."

"I don't need you," i yell in your face.

The tears in your eyes aren't tears of sadness

but of rage.

"Love me!" "Join me!" "Fucking die already!"

You holler in my ear.

My eardrums vibrate with your hate and jealousy.

When I think I've moved on from you,

you come back to me, begging for me to take you back

and I do for a few weeks.

THen I realize how much better off I am without you

but you always come back

and I'll always welcome you.