Animals teach us a lot about emotions, about trauma and so much more. Animals have taught us where humans have come from or help led us to that conclusion. I think mostly what animals have taught me is that friendship and spending every last second with someone is important. This may sound silly, but it’s important to me. I am someone who loves animals; specifically I love cats a lot. I had a gray and white cat named Dusty. I got him in the fourth grade and had him up until the 10^th.

He was my best friend, my support and my happiness. A young nine-year-old Abby was struggling and somehow a cat managed to make her feel a little bit better. I think I loved that cat more than some people because he was always there. He purred and smiled at me like it was all-okay even when I was crying and feeling like nothing was going right. My cat was my hope and the day I lost him I felt a hole form in my heart.

I struggled with the loss of my cat and constantly blamed myself for it. I should have taken him inside; I should have tried to keep him inside longer. My cat was an explorer though he hated being inside and loved to roam the outdoors. I remember all the nights I sobbed into his favorite blanket and how I constantly got up at 5am to see if he was back. I was disappointed each time.

I finally accepted the fact that my best friend wasn’t coming back. I felt empty and I felt like I couldn’t sleep right at night without a certain cat curled up next to me. This was the first loss I had ever experienced. My cat was the first important thing in my life that disappeared and I realized that nothing lasts forever. No one lasts forever.

As someone who constantly struggles with depression and anxiety having a cat there purring or curled next to you helps calm the mind. They help make you feel at bay and calm. Even when you’re crying your cat purrs and cuddles next to you assuring you that they aren’t going to judge you or leave you like everyone had. I miss my support system I found in having an animal to comfort me.

I made the mistake of getting two new cats to try to make myself feel better, but it wasn’t the same. No one could ever replace Dusty. No animal was ever going to be my Dusty. I felt empty again though I was growing close to my other cat, which ended up disappearing too. I finally decided I was done with getting a new cat for now since I was going off to college. I was also done because I was tired of losing something that meant so much to me.

So, to say the least I miss my cat and I still find myself curled up in his favorite blanket and crying. I still have his blanket with me as reminder that I had this amazing animal who kept me safe more than any human could have. I may not have my cat, but I have something that reminds me of him, which is more than I could ask for. I don’t believe in any after life, but on the off chance there is one, I know he got to the good one.