Like many girls, I have always wanted the perfect suntanned skin. Going to school in upstate New York has made this nearly impossible. I have always been intrigued by the thought of fake tanning, but until recently, I had never tried it out.
Several months ago, I heard about a deal going on at a local tanning salon for their tanning beds. They were offering a $1.00 level 1 tan, a $2.00 level 2 tan, a $3.00 level 3 tan, all the way up to level 6. I had no idea what any of this meant, but the offer enticed me to enter the salon. It turned out to be a memorable experience.
When I walked into the salon, there was a woman with perfectly tan skin standing at a register in front of a wall of various lotion products. She looked up, smiled, and with a cheery attitude asked, "How can I help you?" I explained that this was my first ever experience with tanning and I asked her to help me understand the options available in their special tanning promotion.
"There are 6 tanning levels and its an additional dollar for each level," she answered and it took me about 15 seconds to realize she did not plan to elaborate.
"Ummm, what is the difference between levels?" I replied.
"Level 1 is low intensity and level 6 is high intensity."
Not to be deterred, I asked, "Do you have a skin color chart for the various levels?"
She then looked at me like I was an idiot. "You don't get tan after one tanning session," she responded with attitude.
Okay, so at this point, I am wondering what is the point of tanning, but I felt pretty certain she wouldn’t be forthcoming if I asked for elaboration. Still, ever the optimist, I explained once again that it was my first experience tanning and suggested to the bronzed goddess at the counter that I need to be babied through this process. Keeping up with the attitude, she explained to me that tanning in a bed stimulates your body's natural melanin production, so you need to tan often to achieve color. Then she asked me what level tan I wanted to get.
"What level would you recommend for a first timer?" I asked politely.
"First timers can only do a level 1 tan," she replied flatly.
I looked at her in shock. The first thing I said to this woman when I entered was that I had never tanned before. By this point, the woman had spent about 10 minutes asking me what level I wanted and now she tells me that I only have one option.
"Okay, then I obviously want level 1," I responded, adding some sass.
The woman typed something into a computer and then she asked me, "How long would you like to be in the bed?"
For the third time, I explained that this was my first time tanning and that I had no idea how long I could stay in the bed.
"You can stay in the bed anywhere from 6-15 minutes," she told me.
"What would you recommend for a first timer?" I asked.
"First timers can only stay in for eight minutes," she said.
At this point I had a strong urge to grab a sharpie and write "FIRST TIMER!" on my forehead so this woman with the memory of a goldfish could assist me properly.
"I obviously want to stay in for eight minutes, then," I responded with more sass.
She started typing into her computer again, entering my choices, I presume. After a few minutes, she looks up and said, "Do you need lotion?"
"I don't know, do I need lotion?" I asked.
"It doesn't work without lotion," she tells me.
"Then yes, I need lotion," I respond, annoyed.
"Which lotion would you like to purchase?"
I stared past the woman at the wall behind the counter with more than 50 choices of lotions, just far enough away that I couldn't read a label on any of them. Overwhelmed, I asked her to pick one for me. She handed me her selection, rang me up for the lotion and the service, then looked up and said, "You're in room five."
I looked around and saw no doors with numbers so, for the fourth time now, I explained that I had never been here before and I had absolutely no clue where room five was. Thankfully, at this point, another employee walked up and offered to walk me to room 5. When we got to room five, she explained to me that there was a timer going and it would give me five minutes to take off my clothes, apply lotion, and get in the bed before the bed turned on. By the time she finished explaining this, I had two minutes left. She was about to leave when I realized I had no eye protection. The one and only thing I knew about tanning beds before this was that you MUST have eye protection. I stopped the woman and asked her what I was supposed to use to cover my eyes. She pivoted quickly to look at me and her eyes widened.
"You didn't get the eye protectors from the front desk?" she asked seriously.
"No one told me to," I responded.
She rolled her eyes and stomped off to fetch me eye protectors. When she returned, I had one precious minute left on the timer. After she handed me the eye protectors and left, I ripped off my clothes, furiously applied the lotion, lay down on the bed, and pulled down the cover with three seconds to spare. The machine flipped on and I just lay there for the eight minutes I paid for. Then I got dressed and left. On the way out, both women put on fake smiles and waved, saying they hoped to see me again.
Memorable, yes. Repeatable? You decide….