SinceI was roughly 11-years-old, I would have said acting defined my life. What was the one thing that made me happy? Acting. In the midst of all the anxiety and depression I had struggled to juggle on my plate, my passion was the one thing that fueled my happiness.
In middle school, people made the quick connection of who I was when I transformed into becoming an actress. By high school, the theater department was my entire identity aside from being the girl that couldn’t keep her opinions to herself. Everyone knew me as a member of the drama club. I spent all of my mornings in the drama room before classes, I was down there when my other classes had free days, I was there every day after school even if a rehearsal wasn’t going on, and I was even there for a few days out of the summer. And while people may have had some negative things to say about me and my group of friends, I marched around with pride in my identity because I knew I was blessed to get to spend so much time with the people that I did, and for knowing who I was and what I wanted to fill the rest of my life with. I was hell-bent on continuing my acting career when I went away to school. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else, and I didn’t even want to hear what parents had to say about not being able to find a real job with a degree in theater.
Ironically enough, three days into my college career, I switched my major to social work and I never looked back. While I’m still working towards an acting minor, I had to take a year off in order to get some crucial social work classes out of the way so I didn’t screw myself over with that department by my junior year.
I know it shocked a lot people when they heard I wasn’t going to school for acting anymore. However, I want to clarify that I did not change my major because of the money. In case you were wondering, social work is one of the lowest-income majors available for college students. But I knew I wanted to expand my horizons to something else. When I took a look at myself and asked what I really wanted to do with my life, I found social work in the mix somewhere. I’m not sure how, but I did.
While I wanted to expand my horizons, I was terrified at the same time. In fact, I’m still terrified that acting isn’t a part of my everyday life anymore. I lost practically my entire identity when I made the switch. That was something that contributed to my freshman year from Hell. I didn’t know who I was outside of my passion, so I questioned myself a lot. Had I made a mistake? A year-and-a-half later, and I am still trying to figure out exactly who I am. I’m not the theater geek anymore. Right now, I’m a sorority girl, but I know that, too, is only temporary. And if I had learned anything from putting my identity into acting, I learned that I don’t want to make all of who I am, whatever my future career will be. I have to start finding a balance.
But something that helps me, is the realization I’ve come to. College is not supposed to be about knowing everything about who you are. I look around at all the women who are also a part of Greek life who are in the same boat as I, and they will have to start over when they graduate college. I’ve seen other Greek women already graduate, who freely share their journeys about being in the adult world and not having a clue where they’re headed.
Maybe, just maybe, I’m right where I need to be. Totally, completely, unsure of who I will one day be.
