With Valentine’s Day approaching like a lightning storm of single-awareness hovering on the horizon, it’s hard not to get caught up in the what-does-he-want, should-I-get-her-something or when-will-I-finally-have-a-Valentine thoughts. Rather than subject myself to this torture, I’ve decided to have fictional valentines this year — it’s simpler, there’s less drama, and we’ve all known for a while that fictional boys are just better, right?
Here are the characters Cupid’s arrow hit me with this year:
The Weasley Twins (Harry Potter)
Hilarious. Charming. Who could resist? Sometimes I think they may have slipped me a love potion. Our Valentine’s Day date will include snowball fights on the Hogwarts grounds, games of Wizard’s Chess and Exploding Snap in the common room, pranking Professor Snape (Alan Rickman, Praise Be Unto Him) and eating a feast in the Great Hall. We wouldn’t even need reservations.
Emmett Cullen (Twilight)
Alright, this one is a shoutout to my thirteen-year-old self (although, full disclosure, I’m still pretty into him). Emmett is far more interesting than mopey Edward, he’s charismatic as a summer day and he can make a joke about anything. Our Valentine’s Day date will include making fun of Edward and Bella’s constant sighs, driving around in his Jeep Wrangler and eating at an extremely fancy restaurant — the Cullens are loaded, remember?
Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars)
A bad boy Jedi, the Chosen One and that sexy robotic arm? I’m sold, Ani. Pre-Vader, Anakin is sarcastic, attractive and powerful. For our angsty Valentine’s Day date, we’ll antagonize Obi-Wan for fun, roll around in the grass on Naboo, mock C-3PO behind his back and secretly elope since our love is so forbidden by the Jedi Code.
Sam Seaborn (The West Wing)
West Wing Rob Lowe is the very best Rob Lowe. I have the biggest crush on Sam because he’s so intelligent, so kind and so optimistically liberal. Not to mention his quick wit (thanks, Aaron Sorkin) and his dashing good looks. He’s a quieter, academic Valentine — and I do have a thing for bookish boys. Our Valentine’s Day date will include briefing the President, arguing with Toby, touring the White House and discussing election strategies.
Aragorn (Lord of the Rings)
Isildur’s heir, a Dunedain and one of Frodo’s companions, Aragorn is a more serious Valentine. He’s tall, dark and rugged — whoa — and he can single-handedly defeat five Ringwraiths. Enough said. For our Valentine’s Day date, we’ll ride horses majestically across the fields of Middle Earth, light the beacons to warn Rohan about our love, reforge some broken swords and sing beautiful songs at Rivendell.
Jon Snow (Game of Thrones)
Jon Snow, you handsome and brooding fiend. I can hardly talk about him without bursting into tears, so suffice it to say — our Valentine’s Day date would be warm and wonderful, despite the fact that winter is coming.
I highly recommend having fictional Valentines. Beat the single blues by picking up a book or watching a movie. Your favorite characters — male or female, human or mythical, realistically flawed or impossibly perfect — will keep you company.
