DISCLAIMER: Nothing in this article is meant to belittle men or their struggles. Men survive domestic violence as well. If you are experiencing domestic violence and don't know how to help yourself, I encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
As I'm sure many people have noticed within the past week, the hashtag #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou has been trending on social media sites, particularly Twitter. This hashtag is used to describe the different ways people can be emotional and mentally abusive as opposed to physically. It is estimated that every nine seconds a woman is beaten or assaulted in the United States. We're all used to hearing about the damages from physical abuse, but mental and emotional abuse is just as bad.
My experience was in my freshman year of high school. It's so sad to know that people can become so damaged, and be so damaging, so young. But it does happen.
The boy I was with was the first person I had a crush on in high school. You know, the one that everyone seems to develop within the first week of high school. I thought he was nice, and we had so much in common. Nothing prepared me for what was to come for the next year and a half. What should have been a real eye opener happened at the very beginning. He was already dating a girl, but decided he would flirt with me, etc. This went on for about two months until he decided it was time to date me instead.
It started off small.
If we had a different opinion on a type of music, he made sure to remind me how awful the band I was listening to was. He would make up small lies to seem impressive. The worst part is that I knew they weren't true, and it didn't set off any alarms for me.
It got worse.
There was a time where he told me he was no longer talking to his ex. I was pretty relieved because I had a lot of trust issues from the very beginning of our relationship. Then I learned that he told his ex that I was a slut because I flirted with other guys. And he would tell me that I could be friends with this person, but I could never talk to him/her again. I wasn't even allowed to be generally nice to other boys at school. He would lie to me about what he was doing and where he was. And if I told him I was upset, he would claim ignorance, not knowing that I wanted to see him or that I would care that he had lied to me.
At the end of the relationship, he told me that we needed to take a break. When I told him not to worry about it, that we just wouldn't date anymore, it's safe to say that all hell broke loose. He expected me to wait for him while he went out with other girls. When I didn't, he would spread rumors about me, and this resulted in more name-calling. He made sure to still try to talk to me, and argued with me every single day. There was one day I walked home and he came with. When I refused to talk to him, he told me he would wait outside my house until I did. Another day, when I refused to talk to him, he called me no less than 12 times in a row before I finally gave my phone to someone else to answer. Lastly, He would put his hand on my shoulder after I told him not to touch me, and he would shove me if I was in his way.
I don't remember when it stopped, but it finally did. It didn't matter though, because it took me forever to recover and be able to try to trust anyone to be that close to me again. I can't stand people coming up to me and touching me out of nowhere, something that never really bothered me before. Now in every relationship, I look for tones of voice that indicate a small lie, and I wonder, is it going to be like that again?
It's a good thing being able to look for the signs of someone who isn't quite physically abusive, but to have to go through this abuse takes a large toll on you.
So please, regardless of your gender, if you notice the signs of a manipulative, emotionally or mentally abusive relationship, leave it. You will find someone else who loves you. They aren't the only person in the world who will care. You can do so much better for yourself.
