I was a freshman, and she was a sophomore.
From the first flutter of flirtation, it was indisputable that, if our relationship survived the first few months of its infancy, long distance would eventually be on the table.
Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator
I would quickly learn that she was a competitive student, in our already ambitious and competitive high school. Fast forward two years, and I watched with mixed feelings of pride and guilty disappointment as she was accepted to almost every school she applied to, eventually deciding she would attend the University of Chicago in the fall of my senior year.
The year she left for college was difficult, and strenuous for our relationship. We argued a lot in the spring, breaking up for a brief period of time during the last few weeks of school. The starting point of our reconciliation came at her graduation, when it truly hit me how deeply I was still invested in her success. A month later, we were back together and leaving for Girl Scout camp as junior staff.
It was a summer full of stressful working conditions, long drives back home on our weekends off, and cuddling on a tiny, rusty cot in the middle of freezing cold nights in our platform tent, shared with two other (ironically also gay) counselors. Despite the stress, the tears, and the infrequency of showers, we emerged in late July closer than ever.
It can be difficult making the decision to continue a relationship, when it is shifting to long distance. We had been together two and a half years when she left for school, and it was only when we were leaving camp for the last time that summer that I truly knew I could give our long distance relationship my all.
There is one major question you should ask yourself when trying to decide whether to continue a relationship that's about to become long-distance.
Are we healthy when we're actually together?
If your communication isn't great, and you're in a pattern of frequent fighting or aggression, those issues are only going to get worse with the added stress of distance. Some other concerns include how often you'll be able to see each other, and how you'll spend the time together when you're together. Every couple is different, but if you trust your partner and are comfortable communicating those issues, things will likely go much more smoothly than you expect.
Of course, communication is important regardless of your decision. Don't keep them in the dark! You may be surprised by how easily conversations with them impact your decision, and perhaps ease your mind. I had so many concerns about pursuing long distance that seemed so insignificant after I talked to her about what she wanted too... It eased so much pain from the process.
Choosing to continue my relationship into an uncertain, long-distance future was extremely difficult, but it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. She is my best friend as well as my romantic partner, and learning to navigate the world when she's not by my side has been a healthy growth experience. I still cry my eyes out every time she leaves, and the first week she's gone always weighs on my heart. However, it's not long before I'm okay again, working hard to provide for myself as well as our future adventures together.
