Thursday, October 20, 2016

Today is the first official day of Fall Break at Bethany College. I am in my hometown, having arrived late last night. This morning, I went back to work at the Sleep Inn; I’m a housekeeper there. The whole day just felt surreal. I woke up in my old bed in my old room, killed a couple spiders, put on my work uniform, and got ready to leave. It felt like summer again. The only differences were that my room was bare and I felt so different. I’ve changed a lot since I moved to Bethany. That’s beside the point, though.

I got home from work at 1:30 in the afternoon and sat in a chair in the living room. I turned on Netflix then realized...I didn’t want to watch anything. It was too perfect of an Autumn day to spend inside. So I slipped on some jeans and a hoodie, dug out my rubber knee-high boots, and out the door I went. My cats were the first stop, out in the shed (I live on an acreage). They crawled all over me, and I spent time with each one of them, telling them how precious they all were. I missed them. But they weren’t who I missed most. My trek continued…

I walked one mile down a country road lined by pale-golden rows of dried corn stalks. Fluffy clouds lazily made their way across the sky in the slight breeze cooled by the coming winter. Startled birds fled to the safety of the trees and corn fields, their wings beating against the air in their frantic flight. The sun was warm, the breeze cool, the day perfect. Autumn.

My existence in nature was marked only by my footprints in the soft dirt. Turning at the end of the road, I headed due north another mile. The birds sang to each other, celebrating the glorious day. The dry grass rustled in the breeze, whispering its story to those who cared to listen. The trees gently shed their multi-colored leaves to prepare for the cold of the winter months. I walked on, celebrating my minimal existence in this pure environment. The sun was warm, the breeze cool, the day perfect. Autumn.

I knew my journey was nearing its end when the dusty dirt road gave way to rolling hills. The pasture greeted me on the left with soft snuffling noises. My dad’s sheep were the first things I saw, but they were not what I was searching for. Scanning the horizon, I desperately searched for the signs. My heart beat faster in my chest and a smile spread across my face when I finally found them. My babies. My small herd of goats that have been my life for the past two years. The happiness swelled in me as I called to them. Forty-six beautiful, unique heads popped up out of the tan and brown grass. Their voices reached my ears as they chorused together their joy and remembrance of me.

My heart was full as I greeted each and every one of them by name and scratched them in all their favorite spots. Several attempted to chew on the strings of my hoodie, just like the good ol’ days of summer. My worries were non-existent. My stressors forgotten. Mid-terms and homework had never mattered less. My world had contracted to this small herd in this small pasture outside of a small town. I spent a good two hours in that pasture. It was not enough, but it would sustain me through the next month until I could see them again.

When I finally said good-bye, I walked across the road to our farm. There, I was greeted by my dog, Annie. Her creamy-white fur coat was soft under my fingers. I didn’t want to leave. I delayed the journey home a little bit by stopping at the water hydrant for a drink. Sticking my face under the flow brought back many a memory of hot summer days spent playing on the farm. Running and jumping across rows of big, round bales, tunneling in the stacks of straw-bales trying to find where my cats hid their kittens, running around with the baby lambs, driving the four-wheeler up and down the dirt roads, chasing toads around the pond, making mud-pies when dad watered the sweet corn, picking pumpkins and drawing faces on them. So many memories.

The sun was making its way across the sky, though, signalling me to return home. Taking one last drink, I crawled over the fence and started down the road. The breeze had died down and the sun had lost some of its warmth. A chill rose in the air. Autumn. Mother Nature loved to make my corner of the state either obscenely hot or excruciatingly cold. There isn’t a whole lot of middle ground. I quickened my step, working out the soreness in my muscles. I reached the intersection; halfway there. A few pheasants burst out of their hiding places as I approached. I admired their vibrant color. The final stretch passed quickly, my mind once more filling with the thoughts I had managed to leave behind for two hours. Friends, family, college, work, love, life. I almost didn’t notice my dad pulling up next to me in his truck because I was so consumed by my thoughts.

When I got back to the house I realized just how much I had needed to do that. To lose myself in nature. To see my goats again. To have two hours of not thinking about life. I stopped and smelled the roses. They smelled nice.