You Aren't The Only One With Voices In Your Head
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

The Voices In My Head Consistently Give Me Hell, But I'm Learning To Work Through It

Why am I my own worst enemy?

1063
The Voices In My Head Consistently Give Me Hell, But I'm Learning To Work Through It

My brain's constant negativity has been creating hardships for me over the course of my young adult life. Since moving to college, the voices have only become louder. I can't say I've gotten used to them, but I am learning to live with them. What else are you supposed to do?

1. "Are they looking at me? Am I not blending?" 

During my first days in my new city, all I wanted to do was blend in. I woke up and looked in the mirror. I was faced with the task of doing my hair, but not looking like I tried too hard. I had to do my makeup so I would be pretty, but not so much that it looked like I was wearing too much. Then came the outfit. The subtle difference between not showing enough skin and showing too much, or dressing up and looking like I don't care about my appearance. My brain never stopped asking, "are they looking at me?"

2. "Why are you so picky? They probably think you are weird." 

After I got ready, it was time to get food. Getting on the elevator, I hope that I am joined by no one. I get to the cafeteria and stand in line. I try to stand straight, but not like I am overly confident. As I approach the food, I notice I want my pasta plain. "If you do that they will think you are weird," my brain tells me, so I get the sauce. I even add the identical sides to the boy in front of me, to ensure normalcy. I take my food back to my room, set it aside, and make a peanut butter sandwich instead.

3. "You shouldn't go in there, you would embarrass yourself."

After a while of sitting in my room, I want to get a workout in. I grab headphones, to help me avoid any confrontation, and my water bottle. I walk towards the gym and look into the big glass walls. "You shouldn't go in there, you would embarrass yourself," my brain tells me. Instead, I walk to my car and drive to a trail where I can run, alone, and away from everyone.

4. "Do they actually need me, or do they just need me for now?"

When I get back, I get a call from a friend, at least I think they are my friend. I can't tell if they talk to me because they need help, or because they genuinely want to. I have been a crutch before, and once you are done with those you get rid of them. "He won't need you once he finds other help." This thought holds me back from trusting. I can't become too close, or they will leave, they always do.

5. "Just go to sleep." 

I change into my sweats and lay down in my bed when I feel that there is nothing else I can do. After an exhausting day of constant confrontations with my personal devil, all I want is sleep. Closing my eyes, I try to complete the chapter that I call my day. My mind keeps going, but after a while, its yells turn to whispers and I am finally at rest.

If your mind talks to you, in the ways mine do, remember you are not alone. The things you are self-conscious about, others are too. Living with the devil on your shoulder is not easy, but with enough willpower, we can all get through it.

Report this Content
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

70169
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

131925
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments