My Body Probably Hates Me

My Body Probably Hates Me

I owe myself and my body so much more.

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Two years ago, to the date, I was an exercise nut. I averaged an hour to two hours working out and MyFitnessPal was my best friend. I was completely off of soda and couldn't remember the last time I had touched a candy bar. For the first time, I had achieved my goal of being a runner. I felt good. I felt confident.

Now, look at me today. I maybe go to the gym four times a month and when I'm there, I feel completely exhausted and can only think of leaving. I drink way too much Pepsi and don't drink any water. I feel run down and I'm tired every second of the day. I feel terrible.

So, what happened along the way? I put my body through the wringer. What I was doing two years ago may have been the healthiest lifestyle I have ever lived but it definitely wasn't healthy. I was practically starving myself and developed an extremely unhealthy relationship with food. It was all about vanity and even though I felt confident, once I had achieved that goal, there was nothing driving me to keep myself in that healthy frame of mind.

The only reason I began that health journey was to lose weight for spring break. I had gained weight during my first semester of college and I wanted to be the tiniest I could be while still being healthy. I got my weight down to 135 lbs when I had previously averaged around 145 lbs-150 lbs. I won't lie to you, I looked good and I felt good but after spring break was over, I had no reason to stay that thin. So, I began eating junk again and drinking soda. I was still so thin I thought, "what's one can of soda? You're still the skinniest you've ever been, and you can always start that health kick again next week."

It's been two years. I've lost all of my muscle tone and I live in extremes.I'll either spend an entire week eating nothing but healthy alternatives and exercising every day or eating a ridiculous number of calories and basically binging for an entire week. I've completely messed my body up and it's extremely confused.

My body didn't deserve the abuse I put it through and because of that, I am now in a worse place than I was before I began that journey. I need to teach myself to eat mindfully and to not gorge myself. I need to treat my body like it needs to because I will only get one in this lifetime.

I'm pretty upset with what I've done to achieve that vain goal, but that's not going to stop me from making it right and living my healthiest, best life; not for vanity, but for me. I want to feel good again. I want to be able to wear clothes without constantly fidgeting to make sure all unseemly parts are covered.

I want to feel free again. I apologize to myself for the abuse I have put myself and my body through and I promise to treat my body with respect.

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A list Of 15 Inspiring Words That Mean So Much

A single word can mean a lot.
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Positivity is so important in life. A lot of times we always go to quotes for empowerment but I have realized that just one word can be just as powerful. Here is a list of inspiring words.

1. Worthy

Realizing your self-worth is important. Self-worth can really make or break a persons personality. Always know that you are worthy of respect. And also, never compare yourself to others.

2. Courage

Be courageous in life. Life has so many opportunities so do not be scared to grasp any opportunity that comes your way. You have the ability to do anything you have your heart and mind set to do, even the things that frighten you.

3. Enough

When you are feeling down and feeling that nothing you do is ever good enough, know that you are more than enough. And yes there is always room for improvement but when it comes to my self-worth I always have to remind myself that I am enough.

4. Blessed

Be thankful. A lot of times we forget how blessed we are. We focus so much on stress and the bad things that are going on in our lives that we tend to forget all of the beautiful things we have in life.

5. Focus

Focus on your goals, focus on positive things, and focus on the ones you love. Do not focus on things that will keep you from not reaching your goals and people that do not have good intentions for your life.

6. Laugh

Laughing is one of the best forms of medicine. Life is truly better with laughter.

7. Warrior

Through the good and the bad you are a warrior. Be strong, soldier.

8. Seek

Seek new things. Allow yourself to grow in life. Do not just be stuck.

9. Faith

During the bad times, no matter the circumstances, have faith that everything will be all right.

10. Live

Start living because life is honestly way too short. Live life the way you want to live. Do not let anyone try to control you.

11. Enjoy

Enjoy everything that life has to offer. Enjoy even the littlest of things because, as I said before, life is short. And plus, there is no time to live life with regrets.

12. Believe

Believe in yourself and never stop. Believing in yourself brings so many blessings and opportunities in your life.

13. Serendipity

A lot of times we look for things to fill an empty void that we have. Usually what we are looking for comes when we are not looking at all. Your serendipity will come.

14. Create

Share your ideas with the world. Creativity brings change to your life. However you chose to use your creativity do not be scared to show your intelligence, talent, and passion.

15. Love

The world is already full of so much hate, so love unconditionally with all your heart.

Cover Image Credit: Tanveer Naseer

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My Experience Getting The Nexplanon Implant

Why I got this form of birth control and what you need to know if you are considering it.

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There are many different reasons for a woman to be on birth control; whether it is to prevent pregnancy, regulate periods or clear acne, each woman uses birth control for different outcomes. Although there are many opinions surrounding birth control, it is an important subject for women to be educated on in order for them to individually make the best decision for their health and lifestyle.

There are many different forms of birth control, both hormonal and non-hormonal, including the everyday oral pills, the IUD, the patch, the implant, the ring and many more. The most common hormonal contraceptives include the hormones estrogen and progestin, or a combination of both, and each hormonal combination can affect every woman in a different way, so as a disclaimer, my birth control experience will most likely differ from every other woman's.

I have been through a rollercoaster of side effects, emotions, and changeS for more than two years due to being on and off of birth control pills. Finding the right combination that reaped the side effects I could handle was difficult. I was on an estrogen-only pill for most of my freshman year of college which cleared my face, did not effect my weight and had good physical benefits for my anemia. Although I couldn't complain about the physical side effects, I decided to stop using this form of birth control due to the anxiety it caused.

Many women struggle with a change in mentality because of birth control hormones and although it can be manageable, there are so many other options and combination of hormones that can allow for a happier mental state. After months of research and conversations with my gynecologist, I decided to go on Nexplanon, which is a small hormonal implant that lasts up to three years.

The main reasons I chose the Nexplanon implant were how it would affect my anemia and mental state, as well as the reliability of not having to worry about taking a pill the same time every day. This decision was not made lightly because Nexplanon is not a form of birth control that I can stop taking or remove easily since it is surgically placed beneath the skin. Nexplanon contains the etonogestrel hormone which, because of its location, releases a low dose into the bloodstream over the course of three years.

The side effects concerning menstrual cycles vary from no bleeding at all to light spotting and even to heavy bleeding. Every woman who receives the implant has a different chemical balance in her body, therefore a doctor cannot accurately predict the patterns and side effects that will occur within a recipient of Nexplanon.

The insertion procedure involved my doctor marking the area where the implant would be placed, sterilizing the location, numbing the area with an injection and inserting the implant with its corresponding applicator. The only painful part of the procedure was the numbing injection, which could be compared to a bee sting lasting five seconds and after that, there was no feeling in my arm. The implant was placed in my non-dominant arm due to the bruising and pain that would be experienced during the healing process. The day of the insertion, I experienced the most pain due to the discomfort of the bruising and sensitivity of the area, but every day after that, my arm recuperated very quickly.

Overall, I made the right decision for my mind and body by choosing to get the Nexplanon implant. If you are experiencing any mental or physical side effects that you do not favor, talk to your gynecologist in order to discuss changing your birth control method, or if you are considering starting birth control for the first time, do your research and make sure you make the right decision for you.

Every woman will experience different side effects on the same forms of birth control, so make sure to never judge a method on reviews because your body could react differently. Birth control is not a subject to shy away from due to the benefits it yields on young women, especially in college, and starting or switching birth controls for the safety and happiness of your lifestyle is always an option to consider.

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