Like many of us, my best friend means the absolute world to me. She is my rock, my heart, and soul, my person. There's not a single thing I wouldn't do for that crazy b*tch. So when she called me after swallowing pills, my heart shattered.
We're best friends, we tell each other everything. We would literally call each other when a minor inconvenience happened, and we needed to complain. Like when the stupid girl in her class would say and ask the dumbest things, she'd call me up real quick and we'd laugh it off. Or when I got upset about my grades and decided to procrastinate my homework and called her instead. That's what our friendship is.
We've experienced multiple losses together; friends passing away, falling out with "friends," so many things have gone wrong in our friendship.
When my best friend attempted suicide, my life changed. I know it sounds ridiculous and it's going to sound like some sort of quirky hallmark movie but my life really truly did change.
My best friend makes me a better person every day that I know her - especially the day she attempted to take her own life. She's my better half, the person I come to when my doctor decides to switch my medications, or when he also inappropriately touches me and I'm not sure how to handle the situation. My best friend Is not just my best friend. She becomes momma bear when I'm in danger, she becomes a sister when I need a shoulder to cry on, a brother when I want to have fun, and a father when she sees my flaws but believes in me anyway.
She is everything to me. Everything. Just in case you missed it.
When she attempted suicide, my world turned upside down and all the walls and everything inside my castle started crumbling around me. How could I have let the one person who means the most to me down? Why did she feel like I wasn't there for her or wouldn't be there for her? She was always there for me and I wish I had upheld the same responsibility in her eyes.
I know she didn't mean to...most of me is so upset with her to the point that I still can't believe she did it.
But there's another part of me that's thankful she did. I'm glad I know now that she's truly struggling within herself, like most of us. That she doesn't have it all figured out. I'm glad this happened because now I know for a fact that she IS my best friend, forever and always. She is the person I look up to the most. To be so weak within yourself and push yourself as much as she did before she couldn't anymore, I am so proud of her. I am so lucky to call her my best friend. To be my rock when I was weak knowing that you didn't want to share your pain with me because I was already struggling truly means so much to me. Of course, I wish you had just told me and we could've gotten through it together but I know you had good intentions. You tried to lighten my load while you could barely hold your own.
You are the rock that I lean on, the funny memory that keeps me going, the shoulder I cry on, you are my everything and for that I thank you.
Check on your loved ones and then check on them again. See through their lies, help them help you. If you are struggling please seek help.
1-800-273-8255 – Suicide/ Self Harm/ Depression Hotline
1-888-633-3239 – Addiction Hotline
1-800-442-4673 – Eating Disorder Hotline