To the human who's suffering,
Death is never easy to deal with. Watching the people we love and care for significantly permanently leave our lives is painful, and to see children die is a poisonous stake that strikes the very veins of our helpless hearts. Parents should never have to bury their children, but this is the sad reality we have to face.
As a young child, I had two best friends who I honestly could say were my soul mates--not romantic, rather friends that were meant to be together forever. We would play soccer together and eat ice cream together, play kickball and talk about anything we wanted to. We were just 12 years old, we had no real problems to really face except for pointless middle school drama and who was just killed on Pretty Little Liars. Eternity was what we were expecting to spend together, but my forever was cut short when I lost both of my friends within a three month period.
I was broken and lost. I had never lost anyone so close to me before, and I really had no idea what I was supposed to feel. Of course, I was sad and upset, but I had a hard time showing that affection. I was callous and dry, but I kept moving on with my everyday life because nobody ever noticed the difference in my character.
Losing friends at the age of 12 is something I never would have expected to happen. How does one even prepare for that, because I really don't think you can. My support system and the sole reasons for the production of my greatest memories were taken from me. At that time, I was religious and asked God why He took them from me. Why He took them so young. Why He was making me suffer. Why out of the 7.125 billion people in this world, He took two of the people that meant the most to me. Naturally I forced myself to pretend like everything was okay, but finally after 8 years, I realized that it's okay not to be okay.
The steps of dealing with death vary from person to person. Some people naturally shatter and break down, as they humanly and naturally should, and some people just choose to bury their feelings and put on a poker face. Regardless of the route, we choose to take, we will eventually have to unpack those feelings because they will catch up to us. This really goes for how we feel about anything good or bad in life, but death especially.
As a result of the loss of my best friends, I was forced to grow up really quickly, as many other people would when put in this tragic situation. The way we perceive people and the way we function are dependent on the events we encounter, and their deaths made me push the good people away. The closer I got to someone I pushed them away because as the years went on, I ended up losing so many more friends to Death, no matter what form Death took on my friends. I was afraid that whomever I got close to would be taken from me. Death became my enemy, Death consumed me entirely, but I was still alive. It consumed me through the amazing people it took from my life. But because I humanized Death, I came to terms with it like I would with someone who hurt me in the past.
Death took so many people from me but Death gave them a safer and happier place to live. Death made me understand the realities of life, and while it made me understand that at a young age, I cannot be more thankful. Because of Death, I've learned to live and continuously be present in everything that I do and to live for those who aren't here anymore. Because of Death, I live to be myself because Death reminds me that I don't have the time to be someone I'm not. Death showed me that good people can leave at any second and Death showed me that I need to value the good in people while they are still alive.
So to the human who's suffering, it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to be sad and it's okay to feel empty. All of these emotions remind you that you're still alive and you're still present for a reason. Heal at your own pace, and don't let anyone tell you to heal at their terms.
To the human who's suffering--Death was what I once thought to be the worst of all things one can feel, but Death is the one thing keeping me alive. We don't have to deem Death with only negativity, because Death is the reminder that our life can be taken at any moment, and for that reason, Death forces us to live a life full of meaning and a life full of positivity. Death is the sole reason we live.
