Awhile ago, I bought myself a cute little journal. It's a velvety/wine-red little journal with geometrical figures and a maroon almost-gold-looking lettering that reads "Acute Notebook."
Although the name alluded to a geometrical pun, I took the name to an entire different place. Before, I'd had a black journal where I jut down story ideas or your occasional depressing poem.
So I thought hard what would I want to write in this journal exactly? Acute is defined as in the Merriam-Webster dictionary app that I have on my phone: "characterized by sharpness or severity of sudden onset." And with synonyms such as blistering and exquisite, fearsome and frightful, or almighty and vicious, I got the idea to write incongruent thoughts that may or may not be linked to each other. And which fluctuate in the severity or seriousness of each word added in there.
To be fairly honest, this is just me attempting to writing in voices I rarely acknowledge as a writer, but in doing so, I get to find so many new things about me or the world.
Here is an entry dated back to 5/29/2019, titled “Godly." And if I'm not wrong this was just me daydreaming in class about mythical creatures in my Classics class last quarter haha.
“Since this is my little journal, I can say whatever I want without judgement. If you read and disagree — that's fine. Everybody has different idealism. Mine are perharps a bit twisted, but — like I said — they're mine.
So here's what I think:
I am a God. Call it blasphemy. But I am a God.
I am the God of of my world. I am the God of my reality. I see the world through my eyes; therefore, it belongs to me. In my world, I decide what to do. Where to go.
Besides a God. I am a dragon. A calamity.
I am an otherworldly force of nature. I have a crackling fiery core wrapped around my heart. Flames accompany my every moves. and a fire so strong comes out of my mouth. I am a living made of fire."
To be sincere, I am mostly amazed by the way I think. Sometimes I wonder if I should return seeing a therapist or not.
This is me telling myself that I can do anything when things begin to become difficult.
This is me trying to stay resilient.