This past week I turned 21. I'm picturing resounding claps on the back or someone offering to buy me a shot. I also see myself at bars with my girl friends wishing me a happy birthday reminding me every 45 minutes I'm legal now.

But I'll be honest with you I hate my birthday, I don't like change I don't like getting older and I don't like the expectations I put on my birthday. I imagine all my friends gathering around me and myself being the center of attention. However usually my plans faulter and I find myself disappointed with the reality of my birthday. However this year I'm turning 21 and instead of dancing on a table I've decided to get thai food with my mom and watch Harry Potter for the 8th time.

But more than this I've decided it's time to grow up. And by grow up I don't mean balance my check book and get my taxes in order (though I should), I mean be my best self as I should strive to do every year.

I'm in my twenties now, I'm not on the edge of 17 and I'm not bubbling past my preteen years, I'm grown up it's painfully horrifying but it's true. Yet I still find myself worrying about trivial pointless aspects of my everyday life.

I still worry if Emma thinks my outfit matches or Jenna will call me even though I totally flaked on lunch with her. I'm still leaning on other people to pull me out when I'm drowning when I really need to learn to depend on myself.

We're given this beautiful gift of life to learn, to grow, and to change, and while you will see me at the bars I'm probably going to be working on myself and figuring out what I'm going to become in the years to come.