Opinions ––like armpits–– are plentiful. We are free to have personal opinions about anything and sometimes we feel convicted enough to voice them...whether it's warranted or not. I find that, in my 20s, I've finally developed a kind of armor to protect myself a bit more easily from against the dreaded ones that are unwarranted. Body image is what comes to mind for me, because I've struggled and continue to struggle with maintaining positivity despite so many pointless observations being thrown at me. I've never been shapely and I've never made it to even a mere 100 pounds.
Let me supply you with the dialogue of a small scenario.
One day, at my workplace, a coworker asked me, "Do you like doughnuts?"
I immediately smiled because come on...Doughnuts? I love them to my core. I was thinking that if that question was asked, that it signified that a wonderful person was going to arrive or had already arrived with a box of warm, luscious, glazed, stuffed or powdered little morsels of heaven.
"Yes," I answered.
And then...
"Oh. Just wondering, because you look like you don't eat---at all."
Excuse me? "I eat plenty," I retorted. "I'd actually like to gain weight."
"Don't do it. Trust me."
Wait. What? What even is this conversation?
We talked about eating, which led to a comment about my low weight, which then, turned into why I shouldn't gain weight. Why are we talking about my appearance? I've had enough of that kind of talk directed toward me in many, many more worse ways during a large part of my life, but, still...How did we get here? (To top it off, ma'am, you don't even have doughnuts to share.)
Did it accomplish anything? I wondered why that conversation even had to be a thing. Then, I came across a thought that made it very plain as to why that banter didn't matter. The thing is...I had never asked for an opinion on my appearance in the first place. Plus, we know that in many people's eyes, there is always something to scrutinize. If you're skinny, people request you be the opposite. If you're bigger, they still want you to be the opposite. So, basically, what we run into many times are people that spout what I like to call dead-end opinions.
I've had much said to me over my lifetime about how skinny I am. Some words have been light-hearted and some words have been so hurtful and insulting. Whether someone says they have to "watch me eat" just to become a sleuth and make doubly sure that I have no eating disorder or whether any friend calls my skinny arms and legs "disgusting" again, I find some comfort in the fact that the most crystal-clear aspect of these experiences is that I just don't do dead-end conversations. To be honest with you, I'm kind of thankful for them because, during those fruitless moments, I have plenty time to dust off my armor of positivity and come out of the situation unscathed and--eventually--unbothered.
