Welcome to America! The absolute greatest country in all the world! A country of acceptance and freedom and if you disagree with that then go to Hell! You want the terrorists to win! We are the melting pot of countries, where we will allow anyone and everyone in our country, as long as you are an upstanding white man who is straight and Christian. Welcome! Let's show you around!

Now we are a very strong and united nation that is easily divided on every major issue that could possibly be faced. Pro-gay? God Hates you. Anti-gay? You're a homophobe. Pro-abortion? Every life is sacred how dare you choose to end one! Anti-abortion? How can you be against a woman's right to choose?! We don't agree on anything major, but damn it we love this country! Greatest in the world. No doubt.

Let's talk about guns! A perfectly easy, non-controversial and open topic in our country. For anyone who thinks that because we have 318.9 million people in the US (United Census Bureau 2014) and 357 million guns in our country (NPR 2014) and think we have a gun problem, you couldn't be more wrong. And if you want to take away our guns, you are infringing on our second amendment rights, which was of course meant for muskets for small militia's during the Revolutionary War, but damn it we want our guns! Do you want to get a gun? It's easy. No test required, no license needed. No probationary period after you buy it. Just buy the gun, and get to that good old point and click. Want a driver's license? Show proof of identification, take a written and vision test, drive for a bit with a learner's permit, pass a drivers test and THEN you can get your license. Want Hamilton tickets? If you are sleeping with the director or Lin-Manuel Miranda, you might get on a waiting list. But guns, just have your money.

Now some of you might think that its cheap to point out that it is easier to get a gun than say: a passport, a divorce, a pet, or even cold medicine, but then you're just being too delicate and need to toughen up.

But hey! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you're down! This is America Damnit! We've only made it impossible to pay for middle and lower class students to go to college, ruined the housing market, locked up more Americans per capita than any other country, and managed to find a way to spend more money on defense spending than the next 26 countries, 25 of them are our allies (Yes, that's from 'The Newsroom', but it is an American made TV show so it's fair game!)

'Murica. F*ck yeah!