For the longest time, I really thought that you were the one for me. I think that might be because you were the first person that I was ever with that genuinely told me that they were in love with me, and saw a future with me, and wanted to be with me forever. Then you became someone that I never thought you would and someone that you never said that you would be. The truth is that I don’t even know who you are anymore –or maybe not. Maybe it’s not that I don’t know who you are anymore, but rather that I never did in general.
Everything about you was a lie. The person that you truly are was hidden from me until after we broke up, and then your true colors came out, and I can tell you one thing for certain, those are not my favorite colors. You left me with no explanation or reasoning and it was very unexpected. A piece of me basically died when you left me, but now looking back on it, I’m so thankful it did. Because that piece of me that died was the negative and that was you.
It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken or since I’ve seen you or since things have been OK. For a long time after we broke up, I still loved you and you still meant the world to me. I thought, “No, he doesn’t mean that. He’s just going through a lot right now. He still loves me. He’ll come back.” But you didn’t, and a part of me deep down inside knew you never would. I was just in denial.
But for the first time in what seems like forever, I can genuinely say that I don’t love you anymore. I will always care about you and your well-being because you are a human and you were once a part of me and you did leave an impact on my life and on me. But that’s just not what love is. Love isn’t pain or suffering or missing someone. Because when someone truly loves you like they say they do, they wouldn’t have left in the first place. Love is happiness, and you are not the person that I am in love with.
I wish I could say I hate you, but I don’t. I could never hate you, because even though you’ve done a lot of bad things, you still did a lot of good for me at some point in time. But I do hate that you left, and I hate not knowing what we could’ve been, or should’ve been.
I am also thankful because you really weren’t completely the person that you told me you were. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about you that I should’ve before I got involved with you. So now I am thankful that you let me go because now I am free to go out and find someone who is who they say they are, and who doesn’t pretend to be someone that they’re not, and who is the right person for me, and who treats me with respect, and who actually loves me and means it when they say it, and who one day will never leave, even if they’re given the opportunity to.
Because that’s what every girl needs. Because they don’t need someone that doesn’t need them, and neither do I. But you didn’t care enough to not be heartless.
