This rubric emphasizes the imperative techniques of scholarly inscription. These methods instill focus and discipline suitable for academic writing and highlight certain aspects that should be avoided. Every aspiring writer needs to follow these exact procedures to achieve erudite accomplishment. Failing to respect this model will result in ultimate failure and humiliation from your peers, professors, and classmates.

1. Immensely complicate your vocabulary.

This is the most vital rule to every academic essay. Each sentence should include grandiloquently stated ideas. Each point should aim to bewilder your reader until they require a dictionary. If a sentence comes across as simple or “easy to read” you failed in your scholastic authorship.

Example 1: A cheetah reaches speeds of up to 70 miles per hour for brief spurts while chasing a gazelle, which can run up to 60 miles per hour.

Example 2: An Acinonyx Jubatus briefly accelerates to seventy miles per hour while pursuing a Gazella, generating a disparity datum of ten miles per hour.

The second sentence exemplifies how a gazelle reaches up to 60 miles per hour while running; however, it also achieves the maximum confusion you should be targeting. A scarce amount of readers will understand that sentence during their first reading, and that is the ultimate goal.

2. Omit contractions

Do not say don’t. It sounds amateurish and you will come across as incompetent. Instead, spell out each contraction to emphasize the importance. I can’t tell you enough, don’t use contractions!

3. Change your name to something proper

If a reader sees that Rupert Marcus Kiebler authored an article, or perhaps Sebastian Gregory Telemonius, or Clara Isabella Theodore, right away the essay becomes more poignant. Paul Allen is a billionaire with an IQ of 180, but such a common name leaves an uninterested initial impression. If Paul Allen were to modify his name to Sebastian Telemonius the public would gain a considerable amount of respect for Paul Allen’s genius.

4. Source every piece of information included in your text.

Leave the original work to fiction writers. An exceptionally successful paragraph in a scholarly piece includes one sentence introducing the topic, and four sentences of sourced material that proves your point for you. You must remember that the author’s of these sources are more intelligent than you. Copy their work and award them credit in the bibliography. This proves to professors and peers that you understand your place in the world as an underling to these intellectuals.

5. Avoid using common metaphors, similes, or sayings.

Implementing common metaphors and similes in writing is like climbing up a slippery slope. This rule really knocks it out of the park. I can’t emphasize it enough, beating on the old drum of a commonly used metaphor. When a writer continues to flog a dead horse of a clichéd saying, the reader’s left high and dry. In a nutshell, avoid this mistake at all costs or be prepared to have your writing kick the bucket.

6. Omit overused words

Remove words that don't need to be implemented into the sentence because it will make the sentence referred to six words ago shorter, then cut it out because it will smooth out your writing and make your writing much easier for the reader to understand, read, and genuinely creates a cleaner piece overall.

The idea behind this incredibly effective and dually significant rule of importance is to generate the least amount of words humanly possible as you write your personal piece or essay. Ernest Hemingway wrote a six-word understandable story that every literary mind comprehends fully and completely. He’s famous; follow him.

7. Become a Dr.

This guideline is similar to Rule #4. If you want more respect, you will become a Dr. Simple as that.

8. Always use the active voice.

The passive voice sounds terrible, and you’re writing will appear wimpy. This rule is best exemplified with examples.

Incorrect Form: Three boats were stolen last night.

Correct form: Matt stole three boats last night.

Reasons behind the correction: It doesn’t matter if Matt stole the boats or not, because your active voice appears significantly superior to the passive voice of the incorrect example.

9. Do not use “to be” verbs.

They are a terrible way to use a verb in a sentence. The power of the sentence is relegated without the use of more descriptive verbs. This can ruin an essay. Your sentences will be weak, and your essay will be considered terrible and graded accordingly.

10. Remain consistent. Don’t stray from the topic.

Stay true to the subject of your essay. Which reminds me, did you know the Cheetah population has diminished from an estimated 100,000 in the early 1900s to only 9,000-12,000 today? That’s some scary stuff. To have such a beautiful animal facing the possibility of extinction truly emphasizes the problems with mankind. This is the real elephant in the room.