Mr. ORANGE Hates Media That Doesn't Kiss His Ass
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Politics

Mr. ORANGE Hates Media That Doesn't Kiss His Ass

Trolling Mr. ORANGE with facts, and making him cry in the process.

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Mr. ORANGE Hates Media That Doesn't Kiss His Ass
Slate

We've entered a harrowing time in Americana, citizen readers. By now, you've drank in all the ORANGE that's invaded the White House within the last two months. And all those preservatives – "alternative facts," fake bravado, and as much vacation spending in THREE WEEKS as in one of Obama's years – sure don't taste that great to the voters who plunked down the $3.99 in all those fancy voting machines. And the expiration date won't be until 2020, at the earliest.

There's not much to do politically that can stymie Mr. ORANGE. The impeachment talk should hit its death throes once its boosters realize that would mean VP-ORANGE-LITE's executive order to convert all LBGTQs would become reality. And spineless, bootlicking Dumbocrats who host $30,000K presidential fundraiser dinners in pantsuits are not to be trusted.

But, while we wait this out, there is one thing the media can do. Mr. ORANGE recently Tweeted that the media is the "enemy of the American people." Even though much of what that media has reported on him – scratch that, 99.99% of that reportage – has been 106% true. He lied about his inaugural numbers, pumped up his Electoral College win with the same air as Spongebob's anchor arms, and doesn't know real terrorist attacks from make-believe ones.

And every time we – and in this instance, I can say that as a current full-time reporter – in the media report anything negative about him, he has an asshurt reaction, proving he's more thin-skinned than soggy cucumbers. The next time Mr. ORANGE claims that he's "The Only Person elected to this position to never have lied to the American public," let's Twitter-blast his lies with his own digital contradictions. The next time he says, "America was founded by good, Christian men," NY Times, fact check his manifest destiny steelo with gusto. Let's keep doing this til his head explodes, and we are all engulfed in ORANGE.

Now, that would be marvelous.

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