I am moving a whole state away from my entire family in a few weeks and the reality of this is not a slow creeping sensation. The reality is like the tides slow and calm and then suddenly fast and overpowering. Slow one minute as I am in awe of this opportunity and then overpowering in part due to the seasonal family holiday questioning and my lack of answers to all their questions.
It is not that I am not excited about this experience that I out of a few was selected for, it is more like I have no idea what the next seven months of my life may hold and as an annoying control freak, the not knowing utterly terrifies me to no end. I mean that the excitement while bursting with "faith, trust, and pixie dust" is a little covered by the shadow of the anxiety and fear of the unknown. I guess you could say its in part due to a Captain Hook over my shoulder as opposed to a Jiminy Cricket.
Then there is the matter of my Ohana and having to remind myself that I am not leaving them behind. I am an only child my house consists of myself, my father, my mother, Barney the Basset (one-year-old), and Daisey the Basset (nine years old). I spend a lot of time with my grandmother and grandfather and have a close group of friends. My whole world is rooted in the desert. However, I am trading in heat and sun for the wind and sea of California. It is a dream that my heart made long ago when I was thirteen. A dream I never thought would happen but it is. It is happening.
Information flows out on certain dates and the most important information will have to wait till the week of which is just cruel slow torture all while also being apart of the anticipation factor. Much like the very beginning of my one of favorite rides, California Screamin' or shall I say for those who didn't have the pleasure "The Incredicoaster." Prior to the change, the ride started slowly with whimsical music playing as you were moved along the tracks over the water in order to stare ahead at the rest of the ride while overhead voice suddenly counted down. Waiting for the college program is much like waiting for the California Screamin to start. From much of what I have heard the experience is like the experience, I have on that ride too. Nervous in the beginning but the ride is so fun and fast the wait didn't seem so long at all.
Making my attempt at the sword in the stoneTaylor Sipos Photography
I am nervous yes. I am scared of all the possibilities. However like the saying from when we were all young in middle school goes, you really only live once. How many people can say they have had my opportunity? Who would I be to just sit in an emotional ball of anxiety and negativity? So this princess needs to straighten her bow, pan, glass slipper or tiara. It is all just around the Riverbend. I really am almost there! So I am going to push away the fear and anxiety. I am going to lean in and stick to my guns and pull out the sword in the stone. Because I have earned it and it's time for me to meet amazing Disney loving humans and have a beautiful experience.
Also, it is not forever. As one of my favorite Disney movies puts it, "forever is a long, long time and time has a way of forgetting things" what I will be forgetting is the negativity, anxiety, stress, etc. so that I can slip into the new year in my new role in the not so new Disneyland Spring 2019 College Program with a brave attitude about how far I will go and just keep moving forward.