I have one more year of college left. One. It is almost impossible to believe that I am going to be like all of my friends soon: a job to report to five days a week, bills, and of course, living with a man.
Let it be known that just because I have lived with my family or with roommates my entire life, it doesn't make me an expert in living with a man. Yes, I am sure it will be fun and all, but I think that there is something missing for me that a lot of my friends currently have.
When I imagined my perfect scenario for graduating and living with my significant other, I pictured a world where we would get jobs in the same area and find a place that suits both our wants and needs. But this isn't a perfect world and the reality for me is that he has already secured the ideal job and place to settle down in. I never had a say because I am not yet graduated and not yet financially secure enough to buy an upscale townhouse.
I want everyone to know that I am not complaining about the quality of the house or the town in which it resides. But I think there is a point to be made about when one person moves into someone else's life and there is a power struggle there. My feelings about this range from guilt to frustration because I want to love the new life I could potentially be starting, but I also know that I get to start my new life too, and I should be able to choose where that is.
But do I choose comfort and familiarity or do I shoot my shot and go for something new? I know I'm asking myself do I want to stay with this person or not, but long distance is hard, and I think that I have had enough of it.
I want to be like my friends and live with my man with no fear of feeling like this isn't my life.
Sometimes this feeling comes at a price. People ask me why I'm not already living that life, I have to tell them that I'm not ready yet. People ask me why I would ever consider living with him; I tell them that I love him. People ask me if we are going to get married and have kids; I tell them I don't know because that's the truth.
But in the end, it's all about the choices we make. I feel like every time I walk into his house, I'm also walking into his life, not ours. What compromise can we make so that I don't feel left out of our life? He may see it as our life, but I see it as his. One day, things may change, and we may be able to get a place of our own, but that won't be for a while.
Ladies (and gents), don't feel like you have to do anything you aren't a hundred percent sure about a decision. I still have a lot of thinking to do myself. Don't ever feel like you have to fit yourself into someone else's life. Don't let them make you feel like because you don't own that place, that you don't get a say in anything that goes on. Your feelings are just as valid as theirs.