She stood on a cliff frozen.
"Courtney, you have to move."
"Ok." She said, not budging an inch.
We had been hiking at that point about 3 hours or so. We were on the last 30 minutes back and there was no turning around, no other way to continue forward. She would have to move.
"I can't, there's no way."
"Yes you can. The thing is, you have to."
I felt her fear in a way, I did. I have many paranoid fears but surprisingly heights didn't make the list. I love the view, the feeling of being up in the clouds just a little bit closer to the sky. I was in awe; she was struck with fear. My hand held out as I watched her play through the 3 possibilities in the near future:
1) "Ok, I can just walk across and be fine and live a long life."
2) "Always a possibility I slip and fall."
3) "Well I'm going to just live here now. Build a shelter, eat some berries, and become a wilderness woman."
That last one may be exaggerated...but let's be real you've had to have many life moments like that.
Ex 1. Well I failed my test. I'm going to fail college, drop out, and just live at home with my parents forever.
Ex 2. My boyfriend dumped me. I may as well just give up on men all together and become a nun then.
These types of moments. Where we go beyond option 1 and 2 and resort to option 3: the extremes. I've felt that fear on my own mountain tops. The times when I've felt like God has thrown me up there with nothing and my only "logical" choice was option 3. My "I'm just going to live on the mountain" moments.
When my parents divorced I refused to get over it. Instead I lived in the anger, confusion, resentment. I let it become me, and I was happy with that because I felt like I was doing something with my anger. Rather than accepting it or jumping and hoping to land with some sort of healing and forgiveness left in tack I chose option 3.
When I left college because I felt alone and like I didn't fit in I moved home but kept that mind set. I didn't start fresh and try to make friends and get involved, instead I kept a bitter heart and said I'm not going to make friends there's no point anyway; option 3.
I loved option 3, because I was in control of option 3. I chose the circumstances, feelings, and outcomes. I chose to sit on top my mountains and pout, scream, and yell at God until He would hear me. Until I fused and put up enough of a fight that He would pluck me from the mountain and safely place me on the ground. As if the God of the Universe would bend to my will.
But Christ calls to jump. To get over it, to let it go, leave it behind you. To walk on and overcome the trials and temptations in your life. There may be fear or hesitation. You may have loss or brokenness to leave behind. You may worry what's on the other side. I don't know, that's between you and God. But I do know there's nothing good waiting for you stewing on top of those mountains.
ONE You will have trials and temptations in life
TWO Look to the Lord and keep on walking because mountain top living is not an option
and THREE JUMP.
"So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing." 2 Corinthians 5:6-7
