Growing up, I was an average kid. There was nothing academically that stood out about me. I was just one of those students who was in the sea of ambiguity.
During those years, I had a burning desire to change myself. I wanted to be known for as the smart, friendly girl that others admired. These feelings too accumulated during my high school years where everybody was trying to find their identity. For me, I somehow looked up to my sister who was a straight A student in all honors and AP classes. It was in the span of those three years where I tripped and fell the most but managed to get back on my feet because I saw many doors open.
When making my schedule for my sophomore year, I decided to waive into honors classes. I thought it would look better and get more out of learning in an honors environment. It was nearing the end of freshman year and I was dreaming of imaginations that I would later fail to live up to. And much to my dismay, they did not follow as planned.
In my biology honors class, I did not expect that every night, there would be at least two hours of reading from a textbook filled with foreign vocabulary terms and taking detailed, precise notes. I also did not realize that after the fact that I did do my homework, the teacher expected our class to have a deep understanding with the content. I felt so dumb in a class full of brilliant freshman who knew what they were doing unlike myself. And after the first couple of bad test grades, it lowered my motivation to strive better in that class. Why didn’t I know this stuff? Why did being in an honors class drop my G.P.A.? These contradictions kept popping up in my mind which led me to the conclusion that maybe honors was not for me. Maybe I would’ve done better if I enrolled in the C.P. class instead it was slower paced but understandable.
I concluded that next year I would not make that same mistake again.
Junior year went on without a sweat and I thanked myself for making that choice that spring. In my opinion, the best way to learn something is to make a mistake. One may think that mistakes are a regretful wrongdoing in the past, but I believe it is those mistakes that break us down and rebuild ourselves with stronger walls suited for us. In reality, no one expects us to be perfect so a couple of mistakes down the road won’t be the end of you.
I feel that it is ok to try new things, to explore a little, and delve into your curiosity or your heart’s deepest desires. However, the outcome will always be unknown so it would be best to accept the ending regardless. You should also do things that you want. In my case, I took an honors in biology, even though I had sparse interest in the subject. I believed that I had to be like my sister and to continue the legacy of academically smart children in the family. Now that I have gone through these phases, I have a deeper understanding of who I actually am.
Whatever happens, do not be afraid to take risky steps as you grow in your life. Take these steps while you’re still young and make the most out of them. That way, you’ll know yourself the best.
