What I Am
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What I Am

I Often Wonder...

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What I Am
Rita Renoir

I am so tired

And exhausted

Of feeling stuck in the same place

Yet time keeps going on without me

At such a fast-moving pace

Not paying any attention to my desperate pleas

For it to slow down and wait for me

Until I am ready

To venture out of this place

And find happiness and peace

Somewhere out there

Even though people tell me it’s within me

I often wonder, where?

I often wonder, how can that be when there’s nothing

But storms and fires raging inside of me

Angrily and undyingly

Keeping me up at night, never letting me sleep

Time is never on my side

And I’ve said this many times, but it really isn’t

And I often wonder if I’m really not meant to be anything

More than just this

I lose myself and fall into myself time and time

Again, and over

And then once more after

And I have realized that this process is just a result

Of this complex mind of mines

Where I feel absolutely everything

And the entire universe inside of me

As if I have swallowed it down like a pill

One far too big to swallow and now

I can’t spit it back out

There’s too much inside of me to kill

But this is what I am-

What I am is not what you make me out to be

And it is not all that I ever hoped to be

What I am is a mosaic of all human emotions

Who is at war with time

Now and forever

Forever and always

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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Life is hard, and is even harder with a mental illness. Even if you aren't clinically diagnosed with depression or anxiety, in the hardest times of your life you can probably associate with several of these thoughts. Fear not, everyone else is thinking them too. Maybe we just need a big, loving, group therapy session (or six).

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