Purse/Pocket Beers Dos and Don’ts

Don’t: sneak a cheap beer into a bar—no self-respecting establishment sells Natty. An obscenely large bouncer will follow you into the bathroom, and you will be removed from the premises immediately.

Do: Sneak reasonably priced beer into a bar that they totally sell there—a bud light is a bud light is a bud light. It’s America’s beer. Not only will you blend in, but also what can they do? Accuse you of sneaking patriotism into a bar—that’s just rude.

Shopping Online Dos and Don’ts

Don’t: Buy that $7 clothing article from that sketchy website that 3 of your friends liked on Facebook that you have never heard of before. I don’t care if shipping is free. We both know there’s a 50/50 chance of it even arriving.

Do: Use your abroad university email to resign up for a 6 month students’ free trial of Amazon Prime. You can now order that Snoop Dogg and Tupac poster you have been dreaming about with FREE shipping. Abroad changed you! The new you deserves free prime as well. Duh. (@ my roomie Becca genius money saver even bigger Snoop Dogg fan)

Eating in College Dos and Don’ts

Don’t—Skip din before going out because it’s Saturday and on campus food is icky and at least your first drink will hit you a little quicker. You will regret it. Eat something. If not you will fall down a flight of stairs and your friends will make fun of you. I promise. There’s a scientific equation to prove it.

Do—Steal some veggies and chicken from the salad line in your college cafeteria and make yourself a stir-fry in your room that even PF Chang’s will envy. Get innovative. Don’t let college cafeteria grub take the foodie out of you.

Cabs and Ubers in College dos and don’ts

Don’t—walk home from a bar in an unsafe neighborhood to avoid paying a 2 dollar uber. You will either A) pass a McDonald’s on way home and spend that 2 dollars and then some on chicken nuggets B) kill your feet walking home and have to drop that money on band aids for your blisters or C) Encounter some sort of unsafe or uncomfortable situation that will only eventually be funny if you make it out unscathed

Do—hit up your homies with cars for grocery shopping or general errands. Ubers aren’t necessary if your friends are willing to drive you somewhere. Believe it or not buying avocados together at the grocery store MAY inspire a spontaneous Taco Tuesday, which is always a great idea. Taco Tuesday with your Uber driver would just be uncomfy.

Room Decorating Dos and Don’ts

Don’t—buy that bougie quilt from Anthropologie when it goes on clearance. Seriously who do you think you are? Hipster Carrie Bradshaw. You know that quilt ain’t lasting more than a few semesters. College is hell for fancy stuff. Give it a rest and don’t be a try-hard.

Do—have a wine/sparkling grape juice (whatever you’re into) night in with your roomies and make your own decorations. Preferably funny Seth Rogen and James Franco quotes ironically painted in glittery pink paint. No cliché Marilyn Monroe quotes. Drake quotes are permitted but proceed tastefully please.